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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop.
The baker said,
"We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back and asked again.
This time the Baker said,
"No, if you come here again I will nail your feet
To the floor."
The following day the duck returned and asked,
"Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." And the duck said,
"Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
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Animal Jokes
“Look at that speed!” said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads.
“Hmph!” snorted the other. “You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!”
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Animal Jokes
Your as worthless as, Тiтs on a boar hog.
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Animal Jokes Boob Jokes
Turtles think frogs are homeless.
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Animal Jokes
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’
The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly…
‘I think the man would have said - Son of a вiтсh!! A talking pig!’
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
Never tell a pig a secret... because they love to squeel.
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Animal Jokes
Where do you get dragon milk?
From cows with short legs!
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Animal Jokes
A farmer buys a young соск. As soon as he gets it home it fuскs all the Farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the соск again screws all 150 hens. Next day,it’s fuскing the ducks and the geese too. Sadly later in the day,he finds the соск lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says,”You deserved it, you hоrny ваsтаrd!”The соск opens one eye,points up and says,”Ssshhh. They’re about to land!!
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Animal Jokes
The following conversation took place at a dentists.
Dentist: Say Ahhh!!
Patient: Why?
Dentist: My cat died earlier this morning.
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Animal Jokes
I’ve been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days.
It’s on its last legs now.
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Animal Jokes
Men are like frogs, the most important thing is to jump on faster.
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Animal Jokes
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? "I love you a ton!"
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Animal Jokes
These two Polish hunters are out in the woods. They are lucky enough to bag a moose-a really big buck with a nice spread of antlers.
Flushed with satisfaction and eager to get their trophy home, they proceed to grab hold of the moose’s tail and start pulling the carcass out of the woods. They pull and pull and pull but it won’t budge.
Finally a fellow hunter comes by and says, “Excuse me for offering some advice-but you might find it easier to haul that thing by the horns.” The two Polish hunters are ecstatic to hear this! Thanking the visitor heartily, they each grab an antler and start pulling.
A few hours later the fellow hunter passes by again and sees the two tired Polish hunters still at it, slowly but steadily pulling their moose by its horns through the woods.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
“Great!” they reply. “We only have one problem: we are getting farther and farther away from our car.
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Animal Jokes
The difference between true love and dinosaurs: We're sure that dinosaurs once existed on this earth.
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Animal Jokes
There were two cows in a paddock and one said to the other, "I'm a bit worried about this mad соw disease that's been going around."
The other answered; "It won't worry me, I'm a helicopter!!"
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Animal Jokes
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence:
"I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word "mongooses." Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read:
"I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no fully stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
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Animal Jokes
What did the the owl devil say to the sinning owl?
Owl be dамnеd!
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Animal Jokes
What has four legs and says boo?
A соw with a cold.
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Animal Jokes
What do whales like on their toast?
I can’t believe it’s not blubber!
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Animal Jokes
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