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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A couple was having a party at their house. An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said,
"Come on guys, we're almost there."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

My ex-girlfriend used to have a pet parrot. The thing would never f*cking shut up.. the parrot was cool though.

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Animal Jokes

If you come home like I do and find your cat had his tail removed from fighting, just take your cat to Walmart...
They're the best re-tailer!

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Animal Jokes

I hate insects puns, they really bug me.

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Animal Jokes

“How good are elephants at hiding in trees?”
“What do you mean?”
“Elephants don't hide in trees! “
"Well, "have you ever seen one?”

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Animal Jokes

Caterpillars have the ideal life.
They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.

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Animal Jokes

What did the badger say to the bear?
Have a beary nice day, I hope it's not too grizzly!

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Animal Jokes

What did the dentist said to the Sabretooth tiger? You have outstanding teeth.

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Animal Jokes

What do two snails do when they have a disagreement?
Slug it out!

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Animal Jokes

If a rooster laid an egg on the top of the roof, which way will the egg fall if the wind is blowing west?
Answer: Roosters do not lay eggs.

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Animal Jokes

What steps should you take if you ever come across a dangerous animal in the wilderness?
Very large ones.

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Animal Jokes

There are two flies on the ceiling. One fly says to the other fly, "Don't look now, but your man's open!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
“Don’t worry.” said the Auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

One day a man went to a pet store and bought a hundred-legged worm. The sales person told him about this worm. It was not a normal worm. This worm could do anything as a maid. When they were home, the man asked the worm to turn on the T. V. So the worm turned it on. Then he asked him to prepare him some coffee. So the worm did it. The man told him to go buy the newspaper. So the worm went out of the house to buy the newspaper. An hour passed and still the worm didn't come. Another hour passed and the worm had still not come back. So finally the man stood up and opened the front door.
"So, there you are," the man said looking at the worm, "have you bought the newspaper?"
"Sorry, sir," answered the worm, "I haven't finished putting on my shoes."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

A Zebra arrives on a farm. The first animal she meets is a соw. “Whats your job?” she asks. …
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“My job is to give milk,” the соw replies. …
…
The next animal she meets is a chicken. “Whats your job,” she asks. …
…
“My job is to lay eggs,” the chicken answers.
The third animal she meets is a stallion. “Whats your job?” she asks.
The stallion replies, “Just take off those silly striped pajamas and I’ll show you.”

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Animal Jokes

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

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Animal Jokes

My cat went completely insane when I told him he was adopted.
I spelled it out with a laser pointer

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Animal Jokes

Could you imagine the wonderful, beautiful роор that this thing must take? That's why they beat their chest. I'd be beating my chest, too, if I had 60 pounds of сrар comin' out of me.

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Animal Jokes

Who cleans up after guide dogs?

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Animal Jokes

Why is it so hard to shoe flies?
Because their feet are so tiny.

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Animal Jokes