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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

What do you call a dinosaur that turns small words into big words?
A Thesaurus!

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Animal Jokes

Dogs. Because when everyone looks at you like you're crazy, they look at you like you're amazing.

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Animal Jokes

They say dogs take on the personality of their owners which is вullshiт because all my dog does is lay around all day and touch himself.

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Animal Jokes

What button does a dog push on the DVD player?
The PAWS button!

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Animal Jokes

I'm relaxing on the beach, and all of a sudden, all these women start gathering around me. They got these big signs; they're going, 'Fur is мurdеr! Fur is мurdеr!' I said, 'Lady, that's my back. Now get off it.'

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time веnт over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over.
“So, did you enjoy the film?”
The goat replied, “To tell you the truth, I liked the book better.”

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Animal Jokes

A big bullfrog is in the middle of the swamp crying out his lament about being stuck so far from all the action.
Out of nowhere this fairy godmother appears and tells him he will have an encounter with a beautiful young woman in three years. The bullfrog asks this fairy godmother why it will take so long.
"The woman is only in eighth grade now, and will not be dissecting frogs in Biology until her Junior year."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

I’ve just found a box full of cricket ваlls.
And a bag full of grasshopper penises.

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Animal Jokes

Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

I wear two pairs of pants when I go golfing. People always ask me why I do. I say, "I wear two pants when's I golf just in case I get a hole-in-one.

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Animal Jokes

Two cows are standing in a field, one says to the other: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad соw disease? Are you worried?
The other соw replies: Not at all, good thing i am a helicopter

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Animal Jokes

Girl, we can play zoo.. And you can tame my monkey

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Animal Jokes

A dog asks a cat “How come I’ve never seen you cats making love in public?”
The cat replies, “Do you want humans to steal our style like they did yours?”

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Animal Jokes

An animal has three legs. Dance, said the lion.
I'll rаре you tonight, said the whale.

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Animal Jokes

Poodle:
“My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.”
Collie:
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”
Poodle:
“I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”

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Animal Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.”
50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.
Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.
Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?”
The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”

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Animal Jokes

What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a chicken?
A chicken lays eggs, and Yo' Mama lays everything else.

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Animal Jokes

Once there was a group of vampire bats that lived in a cave outside of a big city.
One night, one said to a another, “I'm so hungry. I'm going to go get something.”
“No don't! We have to wait for the others!”
“I don't care.” And off he went.
About 30 minutes later, he came back and was covered in blood.
The other vampire bat asked, “WHOA!! Where did you find all that blood?”
“You really want to see?” asked the вlооdy one. “Follow me.”
So the first bat leads the other bat to the city and points to a large black building and asks, “Do you see that building?”
“Yes,” came the reply.
To that the first says, “Well, I didn't.”

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Animal Jokes

“Nice greyhound; fast as well. Have you considered racing him?” asked this bloke in the park.
“No, not really,” I replied. “I’m far too unfit and out of condition.”

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Animal Jokes

Teacher:
"Who is a Coward?"..
Jeff:Any соw that is given an Award

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Animal Jokes