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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
The crocodile walked into a trendy menswear store, approached the assistant and asked,
"Do you have any shirts with pictures of people on the pocket?"
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Animal Jokes
A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he's ever seen, and asks how much it is. The shop owner replies 'that bird is $1000'. 'What?!?' cries the man, '$1000 for a bird? What does it do?’ 'Well, I'm glad you asked.' says the shop owner, 'you see, that bird can sing every female role in the ring cycle from memory.' The man thinks, ok but I can't afford the bird. He sees a shorter, but still beautiful, bird and asks how much that one is. 'That bird is $2000' replies the shop owner, and the man asks what this bird can do. 'Well, he can play any Paganini concerto you request on the violin from memory' the man thinks wow, but I really can't afford that bird. He then sees an ancient, hunched, half-dead, ugly, bald bird croaking in the corner of the cage, and, thinking that this bird couldn't cost very much, enquires. 'Oh, that bird is $20000' he is told by the owner. Flabbergasted, the man asks what this bird does. 'Oh, we haven't found out yet' the owner replies, 'but the other two call him 'Maestro"
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes
I never know who’s more embarrassed during eye contact while my dog is having a shiт.
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Animal Jokes
Found out today that Рirаnhа fish can totally remove the flesh from a child’s body in under 5 minutes.
On the downside, I’ve now been fired from my job at the aquarium.
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Animal Jokes
I have concluded that zebras are black with white stripes.
Why? When was the last time you saw a zebra with a job?
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Animal Jokes
My wife shouted at me today for forgetting to take the lamb out the freezer. Sadly it couldn’t withstand the freezing temperatures and died after a couple of hours.
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Animal Jokes
A British aquarium claims to have the world’s first vegetarian shark.
Either that or they’re playing a really good prank on Nigel the tank cleaner.
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Animal Jokes
A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop.
The baker said,
"We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back and asked again.
This time the Baker said,
"No, if you come here again I will nail your feet
To the floor."
The following day the duck returned and asked,
"Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." And the duck said,
"Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
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Animal Jokes
“Look at that speed!” said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads.
“Hmph!” snorted the other. “You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!”
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Animal Jokes
Your as worthless as, Тiтs on a boar hog.
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Animal Jokes Boob Jokes
Turtles think frogs are homeless.
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Animal Jokes
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’
The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly…
‘I think the man would have said - Son of a вiтсh!! A talking pig!’
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
Never tell a pig a secret... because they love to squeel.
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Animal Jokes
Where do you get dragon milk?
From cows with short legs!
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Animal Jokes
A farmer buys a young соск. As soon as he gets it home it fuскs all the Farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the соск again screws all 150 hens. Next day,it’s fuскing the ducks and the geese too. Sadly later in the day,he finds the соск lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says,”You deserved it, you hоrny ваsтаrd!”The соск opens one eye,points up and says,”Ssshhh. They’re about to land!!
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Animal Jokes
The following conversation took place at a dentists.
Dentist: Say Ahhh!!
Patient: Why?
Dentist: My cat died earlier this morning.
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Animal Jokes
I’ve been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days.
It’s on its last legs now.
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Animal Jokes
Men are like frogs, the most important thing is to jump on faster.
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Animal Jokes Men jokes
I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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Animal Jokes
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? "I love you a ton!"
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Animal Jokes
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