Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I was reading that dogs can successfully sniff out cancer in humans.
Now I’m worried that I’ve got testicular cancer.

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Animal Jokes

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a sтuрid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that sтuрid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still mess on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...
13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ...
15. Poodle: I'll just вlоw in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. HUmans change light bulbs.

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Animal Jokes

If an elephant has a trunk, then just where is his glove compartment?

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Animal Jokes

Many times do you have to tickle a squid to Make it laugh? Ten tickles ! Lol

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Animal Jokes

I had an awkward moment on Tuesday
I was having sεx with my girlfriend and my dog walked in the room.
Oh wait… it was the other way around.

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Animal Jokes

When a male squirrel saw a female squirrel he said:
"I can offer you, DEEZ NUTS!"

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

“Please keep your dog beside you, sir,” a woman said crossly to the man sitting opposite to her on the bench at the park. “I can feel a flea in my shoe.” “Midnight, come here,” replied the man. “This woman has fleas.”

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

It was a very hot Wednesday here in Florida. Bessie, our Нuмр-Day Camel, stopped dead in her tracks.
I thought I might have to call for a tow truck to get a camel tow, but a camel expert said, “Seeing it’s such a hot day, give ‘er a swift kick in the аrsе.”
So I did. I got up on a ladder and gave Old Bessie a swift boot. She immediately proceeded to pass such an incredible fаrт, I thought I would pass out for lack of Oxygen.
The camel expert said, “Just as expected on a hot day. Vapor lock.”

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Animal Jokes

Squirrels - nature's speed bumps.

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Animal Jokes

My Chinese neighbour told me he’d just opened a “Crows shop”.
I said, “Don’t you mean a clothes shop?”
He said, “A Crows shop!”
I said, “OK, I might pop down for a Rook.”

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Animal Jokes

What do you call a соw with two legs?
Lean Beef!
What do you call a соw with no legs?
Ground Beef!
What do you call it when a соw tries to jump over a barbed wire fence?
Udder Destruction!

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Animal Jokes

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hеll do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to кill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes

Wanna go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.

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Animal Jokes

Why is a kangaroo like a pool table?
They both have side pockets!

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Animal Jokes

What do you call an Alligator in Rhythm
An Algorithme

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Animal Jokes

It's never easy putting a pet to sleep. That's why we say things like, 'We decided to put Fluffy out of his misery.' No, what you decided was that Fluffy's company isn't worth $500.

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Animal Jokes

Two bats and a bunny walk into a restaurant and order a round of pizzas. The waiter brings out the order, and when they're finished he says,
"That'll be 68 bucks, guys."
The bunny pays, and the waiter says,
"We don't get a lot of customers like you guys in here, you know."
The bunny says,
"At 68 bucks for three small pizzas, I'm not surprised."

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Animal Jokes

It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.

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Animal Jokes

Dogs are such smart animals. They're so intelligent because they mark their territory with urinе. They рее on it, they think it's theirs. That's so smart. Imagine if people did that -- the homeless would own everything.

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Animal Jokes

Bear fights can often turn grizzly.

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Animal Jokes