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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas.
He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar:
"Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you?
Horse: Sure!
Girl: What do you call it?
Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
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Animal Jokes
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws.
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Animal Jokes
What do you get if you cross a соw with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo.
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Animal Jokes
What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?
Claws.
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Animal Jokes
What do dinosaurs put on their floors?
Rep-tiles.
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Animal Jokes
Why do black widow spiders кill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
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Por que as aranhas viúvas negras matam o macho depois da cópula? Para acabar com o ronco antes que ele comece ...
Animal Jokes Men jokes
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
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Animal Jokes
What do cows read at the breakfast table?
The moospaper.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes
A guy goes into an antique shop.
He's browsing around the shop and comes across a brass rat.
He picks up the rat and is looking at it when the shop owner approaches him.
He asks the owner how much the Brass Rat is.
The shop owner says $20 For the rat and $10 for the story behind it.
The customers say I don't need to know the story but I'll buy the rat.
So he pays for the rat and leaves the shop.
After about 50 yards he hears a Wierd noise behind him and so looks around.
There's a bunch of rats following him so he picks up the pace a walks faster but the noise gets louder.
He glances behind and there are hundreds of rats following him so he starts to run.
Still, the noise gets louder and there are thousands of rats chasing him.
He comes to a bridge over the river and thinks the rats are chasing him because of the Brass Rat, he has so he throws the rat as far as he can into the river.
All the rats that were chasing him then all jump into the river and drown.
The guy thinks for a while and then walks back to the shop.
As he enters the shop the owner who saw him coming said I bet you came back for the story behind the Brass Rat did you?
The customer says no I didn't.
Have you got a brass Niggеr?
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Money jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Business jokes Customer service jokes
What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A Lassie who plays brassie!
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Animal Jokes American Presidents Humor
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Соw Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?
Whale of fortune.
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Animal Jokes
Two deer walk out of a gаy bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest.
The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!"
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!"
The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!"
"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute."
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut."
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."
Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.
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Animal Jokes Baby Jokes
How do you know when you re eating rabbit stew?
When it has hares in it.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-day!
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Animal Jokes
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
My dogs don't even own bikes.
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Дойде съседката да се кара. Твърди, че моето куче гонило нейния син на колелото. Пратих я по дяволите. Моето куче няма колело. I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle. Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle. What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike? My dog doesn’t ride a bike! Hund jagt Leute Mon voisin est venu se plaindre Soit disant mon chien poursuit les gens en moto... Je lui ait répondu qu'il avait tort ! Mon chien n'a pas de moto - Proszę pani! Pani pit bull goni jakiegoś faceta na rowerze! - Niemożliwe! Mój pies nie umie jeździć na rowerze... Vad gör man med en hund som jagar folk på cykel? - Tar cykeln från hunden Polisen till mannen: - Din hund har jagat en man på cykel. Mannen upprört: - Struntprat. Min hund kan inte ens cykla. Mijn buurman kwam laatst naar mij toe, hij zegt: 'Je hond zit iedereen op de fiets achterna.' Ik zeg: 'Dat is niet zo mooi. Dan zal ik zijn fiets maar afpakken!' Govore mi da juris ljude na biciklu. Lazu, gazda. Znas da nemam bicikl.
Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Dog jokes
Animal testing is a terrible idea;
They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
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Animal Jokes
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