Blonde Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Blonde Jokes
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, planned the robbery and went over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery began. Judy drove up in front of the bank, stopped the car and said to Buffie, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," replied Buffie. Buffie went in the bank while Judy waited in the get away car. One minute passed...three minutes pass...seven minutes pass... and Judy was really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here came Buffie. She had a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.About the time she got the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he was firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy yelled, "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiот!" snapped Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said, 'Tie up the GUARD and вlоw the SAFE!'"
Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Money jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Banker Jokes
There was a typical blonde. She had long, blondehair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all theblonde jokes.
One day she decided to get makeover. She cutand dyed her hair brunette and went drivingdown a country road, searching for someonewho would appreciate her for her intelligence. When she came across a herd of sheep, shestopped and called the shepherd over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.
"Well thank you," said the herder.
"Tell you what, I have a proposition for you,"said the woman. "If I can guess the exactnumber of sheep in your flock, can I takeone home?"
"Sure," agreed the Shepherd. So the girl satup and looked at the herd for a second andthen replied: "382".
"Wow," said the shepherd. "That is exactlyright. Go ahead and pick out the sheep youwant to take home."
So the woman went and picked one out and putit in her car.
Then the herder said: "Okay, now I have aproposition for you. If I can guess the realcolour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Една мутра пътува със своя джип. На една блондинка много и се подигравали, че е много глупава и тя решила да си боядиса косата черна. Blonde in Disguise Blonde Counting Sheep Gefärbte Blondine beim Schäfer Der Schäfer und der TT Fahrer Η ΒΑΜΕΝΗ ΞΑΝΘΙΑ блондинка решила доказать, что она не дура. для этого она... Некој овчар си пасел овци,дошол некој цајкан без униформа и му рекол: Cansada das brincadeiras sobre sua burrice, a loira resolveu pintar o cabelo de preto. Para comemorar o novo visual, foi dar uma volta de carro pelo campo e la encontrou um pastor de ovelhas. — Bom dia, senhor pastor! Que lindo rebanho o senhor tem! — Obrigado! — Se eu acertar quantas ovelhas há... Eine Blondine, genervt von den ewigen Blondinenwitze, lässt sich die Haare rot färben und fährt aufs Land. Auf dem Weg dorthin trifft sie einen Hirten mit seiner Schafherde. Sie sagt ihm: "Wenn ich herausfinde wieviele Schafe Du hast darf ich eines mitnehmen, alles klar?" Der Hirte: "Ok"... A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet.... There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the... Do bacy wypasającego owieczki przyjeżdża człowiek w średnim wieku. Po wyjściu z samochodu pyta: - Baco, co tu robicie? Wypasacie owce? - Tak, panocku. - A baco, jak wam powiem ile macie tych... Un touriste en train de faire une randonnée en montagne croise un troupeau de moutons avec son berger. Ils discutent de tout et de rien et sur la proposition du touriste en viennent à faire un... A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I... Er was er eens een herder die met zijn schapen langs de kant van de weg liep. Plots dook er een spiksplinternieuwe Cherokee Jeep op, bestuurd door een man in een Hugo Boss hemd, Nike baskets, Rolex... Een dom blondje loopt op de Veluwe en ziet daar een herder met zijn schaapjes lopen. "Oh wat leuk" zegt het domme blondje tegen de herder, "ik wil ook zo'n lief schaapje hebben!" "Nou, zegt de... En blondine blev træt af alle de blondine vittigheder der var, og farvede sit hår sort, og kørte en tur på landet. Hun kom forbi en bondegård, med en mark med får. Hun holdte ind og spurgte... Det var en gång en blondin, som ville prova om det var sant det som folk säger om blondiner. Hon färgade håret kastanjebrunt, och åkte ut på landet, och stannade vid en bondgård. - Nu skall jag... Det var en gang en blondine som var lei av alle blondine-vitsene, og farget derfor håret brunt for å se om hun bli smartere. Litt senere på dagen kjørte hun forbi en bondegård med sauer. Hun sa til... Rigtig blondine? Blondinen er træt af at blive kaldt dum så hun tager en sort paryk på og kører sig en tur i bilen. Hun kommer til et vejkryds hvor der står en hyrde med sine får. Blondinen vil... One day a blonde woman named Sally finally got tired of everyone assuming she was stupid because of her hair color. She decided to go to the hairdressers and have her hair dyed brown. Feeling quite... Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to... A blonde got tired of everyone treating her like she was dumb so she decided to dye her hair brown. She went out and about in the world to prove that she was smart. She came upon a sheep farmer and... A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she... Jede přebarvená blondýnka na kole a potká baču se stádem ovcí. V dobrém rozmaru navrhne: „Když ti povím, kolik máš přesně ovcí, dáš mi jednu?” Bača souhlasí. Exblondýnka mu to řekne, strefí se a... Sikke et får En blondine ville bevise over for sig selv og for andre, at blondiner var knap så dumme som folk troede, så hun farvde sit hår brunt og drog ud for at bevise. Da hun var kommet godt ud... Blondinen på landet Så var der blondinen der farvede sit hår og kørte en tur på landet. Efter et stykke tid blev hun stoppet af en hel masse får der blokerede vejen. Blondinen fandt frem til...
Blonde Jokes Dog jokes
Real "Personal ads" that have appeared in the Dublin News: Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sеx addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning. Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time fiancée, seeks decent, honest, eligible woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced вiтсhеs. Gingеr haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old ваsтаrd, living in a damp cottage in the аrsе end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest. Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM. Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.
Blonde Jokes
A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make roomfor a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could notbe imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeletonin a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they shouldcall the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closetand showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. Theysaid, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more,they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said, "Weare the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to knowif it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important."
The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind ofimportant."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."
Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nudе bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the hеll are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replies.
Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house.
She goes up to the house, rings the веll and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do.
The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says,
"Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says,
"$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says,
"All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."
Blonde Jokes
A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St.Peter. "Welcome!" he says.
"Because we are currently operating at 99%capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven.Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."
"Okay," says the blonde.
"Here's your question: name two days of the weekthat begin with the letter T."
"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"
"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you anotherquestion. How many seconds are there in a year?"
"That's easy. Twelve!"
"Twelve?"
"January second, February second, March second--"
"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well. Okay, one more chance.What's God's name?"
"That's easy. Howard!"
"Howard?"
"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name..."
Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes