Christmas Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Let’s face it. Santa clearly prefers children of rich parents.

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Christmas Jokes

An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.

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Christmas Jokes

Two women are chatting, "I took my husband to the Christmas market yesterday," says one of them.
"And, did someone want to buy him?" asks the other.

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Christmas Jokes

Last Christmas I gave you my heart... well - that was the end of me... No one survives without a heart.

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Christmas Jokes

One turkey asks another, "Do you believe in life after Christmas?"

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Christmas Jokes

Sending letters to Santa up the chimney is definitely black mail.

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Christmas Jokes

What did the reindeer say when he was spotted one Christmas Eve by Little Johnny?
Nothing, reindeers don’t talk.

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Christmas Jokes

I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December. But it was just the Season’s greetings.

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Christmas Jokes

This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas. I think this time we should let them in.

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Christmas Jokes

What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes?
Jew-ish

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Christmas Jokes Jewish Jokes

He says to his wife:
"Sleeping with you is like Christmas, Birthday and the 4th of July in a single moment."
To which she replies:
"Well, each of those dates is just once per year too."

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Christmas Jokes Birthday Jokes

I feel sorry for those who are unable to afford food and drink this season.
You know it's bad when Mariah Carey can't even afford juice. She is so hard pressed that she even made a song about it. You know, all she wants for Christmas is juice.

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Food Jokes Christmas Jokes

What moment is Batman History was the worst for Batman?
Christmas.
He lays an egg, smells bad, and Joker gets away.
Also his parents are dead.

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Christmas Jokes

I made snow angels this Christmas...
My car skidded on the ice and I hit 3 pedestrians.

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Christmas Jokes

A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree...
... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

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Christmas Jokes

Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?
Because people kept shouting "моrоn" at him.

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Christmas Jokes

Whats Donald Trumps favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas.

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Christmas Jokes

What Christmas carol will Donald Trump be singing all month?
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

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Christmas Jokes

Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?
The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

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Christmas Jokes

I like my women how I like my Christmas trees.
Illegally taken in the forest.

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Christmas Jokes