Christmas Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I've got a Christmas сrаскеr joke so good it can't wait.
Why do crackers love Santa? Because he's white.

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Christmas Jokes

I got a lump of coal last Christmas...
Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!

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Christmas Jokes

So this is how gullible my best friend is, I told her to come quickly because Father Christmas was talking to Caitlin Jenner
She says, no, I don't believe you, Caitlin Jenner isn't real.
I cant believe she's 30 and still believes in Santa!

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Christmas Jokes

What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents?
Santa Claws

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Christmas Jokes

What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'hо hо hо' and 'merry Christmas'?
They are both santa clauses.

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Christmas Jokes

Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks
They were all star bucks

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Christmas Jokes

I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with...
He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone!

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Christmas Jokes

Some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old
*what does Santa want for Christmas? Ное Ное Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
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*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

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Christmas Jokes Math Jokes

I was buying a Christmas tree the guy said "are you going to put it up yourself"
I said "no it's going in the living room"

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Christmas Jokes

A man buys a Christmas tree.
As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says,
"Are you putting the tree up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."

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Christmas Jokes

A man was picking out a Christmas tree
A man was picking out a Christmas tree.
When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."

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Christmas Jokes

What happened to the dog that ate a Christmas tree?
He farted a сrаскеr.

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Christmas Jokes

Thanks to the idiots who set off fireworks last night.
It's only October! You scared my dogs so much that they knocked over my Christmas tree!

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Christmas Jokes

I went to shop to buy a Christmas tree.
The man in the shop asked if I'll put it up myself.
I said that I'll actually put it in the living room.

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Christmas Jokes

Why was the Christmas tree sent to the psych ward?
Because it was suffering from ornamental health issues.

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Christmas Jokes

I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...
The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

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Christmas Jokes

People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

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Christmas Jokes

Sherlock joke (my first post here)
Patient: \**dying of cancer*\* No chance for you to be a doctor this time, Mr Homes!
Doctor: Oh, do your research. I'm not a hero, I'm a high functioning homeopath. Merry Christmas! \**cuts off morphine supply\**

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Christmas Jokes

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.
I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

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Christmas Jokes

What did the flat-earther say when he got a frisbee for Christmas?
Oh boy! A basketball!

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Christmas Jokes