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Christmas Jokes

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I asked Santa for something to wear and something to play with...
He brought me a pair of trousers with holes in the pockets.
Merry Christmas everyone!

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Christmas Jokes

Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks
They were all star bucks

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Christmas Jokes

What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'hо hо hо' and 'merry Christmas'?
They are both santa clauses.

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Christmas Jokes

What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents?
Santa Claws

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Christmas Jokes

So this is how gullible my best friend is, I told her to come quickly because Father Christmas was talking to Caitlin Jenner
She says, no, I don't believe you, Caitlin Jenner isn't real.
I cant believe she's 30 and still believes in Santa!

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Christmas Jokes

I got a lump of coal last Christmas...
Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!

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Christmas Jokes

I've got a Christmas сrаскеr joke so good it can't wait.
Why do crackers love Santa? Because he's white.

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Christmas Jokes

I like my women how I like my Christmas trees.
Illegally taken in the forest.

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Christmas Jokes

Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?
The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

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Christmas Jokes

What Christmas carol will Donald Trump be singing all month?
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

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Christmas Jokes

Whats Donald Trumps favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas.

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Christmas Jokes

Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?
Because people kept shouting "моrоn" at him.

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Christmas Jokes

A man goes to buy a Christmas Tree...
... After the salesman rings him up and helps him strap it to the car, he asks, "were you planning on putting this up yourself?" to which the man responds, "Actually, I was thinking of putting it in the living room."

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Christmas Jokes

I made snow angels this Christmas...
My car skidded on the ice and I hit 3 pedestrians.

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Christmas Jokes

What moment is Batman History was the worst for Batman?
Christmas.
He lays an egg, smells bad, and Joker gets away.
Also his parents are dead.

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Christmas Jokes

The doctor has given me two months to live.
I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Christmas Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

I feel sorry for those who are unable to afford food and drink this season.
You know it's bad when Mariah Carey can't even afford juice. She is so hard pressed that she even made a song about it. You know, all she wants for Christmas is juice.

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Food Jokes Christmas Jokes

He says to his wife:
"Sleeping with you is like Christmas, Birthday and the 4th of July in a single moment."
To which she replies:
"Well, each of those dates is just once per year too."

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Christmas Jokes Birthday Jokes

What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes?
Jew-ish

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Christmas Jokes Jewish Jokes

This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas. I think this time we should let them in.

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Christmas Jokes