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Christmas Jokes

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I heard some strange chatter from the spice cupboard mid-December. But it was just the Season’s greetings.

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Christmas Jokes

What did the reindeer say when he was spotted one Christmas Eve by Little Johnny?
Nothing, reindeers don’t talk.

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Christmas Jokes

Sending letters to Santa up the chimney is definitely black mail.

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Christmas Jokes

One turkey asks another, "Do you believe in life after Christmas?"

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Christmas Jokes

Last Christmas I gave you my heart... well - that was the end of me... No one survives without a heart.

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Christmas Jokes

Two women are chatting, "I took my husband to the Christmas market yesterday," says one of them.
"And, did someone want to buy him?" asks the other.

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Christmas Jokes

An honest politician, a hard-working civil servant and Santa Claus find a 100 dollar bill. Who gets to keep it?
Santa does, the other two are creatures of myth and legend.

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Christmas Jokes

Let’s face it. Santa clearly prefers children of rich parents.

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Christmas Jokes

9 out of 10 turkeys recommend a steak at Christmas.

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Christmas Jokes

Lisa thanks her grandpa, "Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me last year for Christmas. I've never got such a brilliant gift!"
"Really?" asks the surprised Grandpa.
Lisa says,
"Oh yeah - every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would stop!"

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Christmas Jokes

Another helicopter tried to land in our garden today. I think we’re going to have to reduce our Christmas lights a bit.

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Christmas Jokes

- Guess what I got for Christmas!
- No idea, tell me!
- Well, do you see that Audi parked down there?
- ОМG… It looks so cool!
- Yeah, doesn’t it? And that is the exact color of the sweat pants I got!

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Christmas Jokes

A lady walks into a stationery shop early in December, “Hi, I’d like to buy some nice pen for my son.”
“Oh, a Christmas surprise, right?”
“Probably, yes, he’s expecting an iPhone.”

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Christmas Jokes

I came home from work yesterday and got a terrible shock. All the windows open, everything gone… I nearly cried, I mean who can do something like that, and right before Christmas, too… And to top it, my family didn’t let me call the cops, they kept insisting they have better things to do than investigate who polished off my Advent calendar.

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Christmas Jokes

There will be no Christmas anymore. I told Santa that you have been good the whole year. He died of laughter.

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Christmas Jokes

How many gifts can Santa squeeze in an empty stocking? One. It’s not empty after the first one.

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Christmas Jokes

9-1-1
Parody of "Jingle Bells"
Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis
Over the hills we go, crashing into trees!
The snow is turning red, I think I might be dead,
I woke up in the hospital with stitches in my head, oh!
9-1-1, 9-1-1, Santa Claus is dead!
Rudolph took a .44 and shot him in the head, oh!
Barbie Doll, Barbie Doll, tried to save his life,
But G. I. Joe from Mexico stabbed him with a knife!

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Christmas Jokes

I think Santa Claus had an argument with his wife one night, he started calling her names; the neighbours heard him saying hо hо hо.....

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Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes

Why is Santa Claus a heavy drinker?
Because he only empties his sack once a year.

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Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes

Where did Santa Claus went on his summer vacation
At hо hо Holland

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Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes