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Christmas Jokes

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I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size
Oops, wrong thread

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Christmas Jokes

My 5 year old daughter wants a Тамроn for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...

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Christmas Jokes

Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents?
Because he was on the Nautilus...

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Christmas Jokes

How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents…

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Christmas Jokes

Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat

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Christmas Jokes

What's Rick Grimes' favorite holiday?
Christmas, Carl

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Christmas Jokes

I've just ordered a book called Overcome Procrastination
I intend to read it over the Christmas holiday.

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Christmas Jokes

What did the flat-earther say when he got a frisbee for Christmas?
Oh boy! A basketball!

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Christmas Jokes

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols.
I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

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Christmas Jokes

Sherlock joke (my first post here)
Patient: \**dying of cancer*\* No chance for you to be a doctor this time, Mr Homes!
Doctor: Oh, do your research. I'm not a hero, I'm a high functioning homeopath. Merry Christmas! \**cuts off morphine supply\**

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Christmas Jokes

People ask how I'm so prepared for Christmas
It's easy I had all presents wrapped and hidden in the attic since August, my girlfriend is going to love her new puppy

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Christmas Jokes

I recently bought a Christmas tree at a shop...
The man at the cashier said to me "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied to him in disgust saying "No, that is disgusting! I'm going to put it up in my living room."

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Christmas Jokes

Why was the Christmas tree sent to the psych ward?
Because it was suffering from ornamental health issues.

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Christmas Jokes

I went to shop to buy a Christmas tree.
The man in the shop asked if I'll put it up myself.
I said that I'll actually put it in the living room.

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Christmas Jokes

Thanks to the idiots who set off fireworks last night.
It's only October! You scared my dogs so much that they knocked over my Christmas tree!

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Christmas Jokes

What happened to the dog that ate a Christmas tree?
He farted a сrаскеr.

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Christmas Jokes

A man was picking out a Christmas tree
A man was picking out a Christmas tree.
When he goes to pay for it, the cashier asks him, "Will you be putting this up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting! I'm putting it in my living room."

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Christmas Jokes

A man buys a Christmas tree.
As he goes to pay for the tree, the attendant says,
"Are you putting the tree up yourself?"
The man replies,
"Quit being disgusting. I'm putting the tree in my living room."

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Christmas Jokes

I was buying a Christmas tree the guy said "are you going to put it up yourself"
I said "no it's going in the living room"

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Christmas Jokes

Some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old
*what does Santa want for Christmas? Ное Ное Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
.........."...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...
*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

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Christmas Jokes Math Jokes