Dad Jokes - Page 40

A young couple having a son at 5 years of age went for a summer vacation to the same place where they had their Honey moon on reaching the place they smiled at each other.
The son seeing them smile asked the DAD, “why you two are smiling and laughing?”
Dad Said, “No son, we already came to this place years back that’s what we remembered.”
The son persistently asked “DAD if you came here already, where was I?”
Dad little embarrassed said, “Son you were with me when we came here and with your MOM when we returned!!”

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I never had a father when I was young so I used to pretend the rubber from my pencil case was my dad.
Erased me well.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dad Jokes

Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.
"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don't be mad, okay?"
Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake. "I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a daughter named Susan."
"Wow, Mom," the young woman's voice replied. "I didn't think you'd be this mad."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

A kid goes up to his dad after school and says,
"Dad, I just had sеx with my teacher." The dad is proud and offers to buy the kid a bicycle. So, he takes his son to the store and lets him pick out a bike. Afterwards, the dad asks "Do you wanna ride your new bike home?" and the son says,
"No, my аss still hurts." DmR

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said,
"You've been with the company for a year. You started off as an office clerk, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."

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Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad was showing me pictures of why to wear condoms during sеx. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Took a girl home last night and I accidentally said ‘how’s your daddy’ instead of ‘who’s your daddy’. We spent 2 hours talking about her dad’s cholesterol.

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Dad Jokes

My son came into the living room really sad and said, “dad, school is so difficult, I fell like I’m not getting anywhere.”
“Son” I said, “you have to work hard for everything in this life. Nothing is just handed to you and unfortunately thats the way it is. Now if you don’t mind, there about to call out the lotto numbers.”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

“You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life”
“But the Wedding is not until tomorrow dad”
“I know, son”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Dad- Son, u better pass this exam or rather forget that im ur father!
Son- Sure dad! Whatever!
~5 hours later~
Dad- Howz ur exam?
Son- Who the hеll r u???

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Dad Jokes

The following conversation took place on an airplane.
Son: Daddy im scared what if the plane goes down.
Dad: Don’t worry son your mum is on board and she never goes down.
Son: What?
Dad: I mean just play with your iPad.

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Dad Jokes

" Dad who built the Suez Canal"
" I don't know son"
" Dad who discovered penicillin "
" I've no idea son"
" Dad what's the capital of Italy "
" I ain't got a clue son"
"Dad you don't mind me asking all these questions do you"
"No son, if you don't ask you won't learn anything "

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his вrа again.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

A man and his son walk into a shoe store when the sales man asks, "How can I help you?" The man says he has a dinner to go to and is looking for the right type of shoes. The salesman asks if he is looking for dress shoes, the little boy pipes up and says," but my dad doesn’t wear dresses."

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

Son: Dad how is it like to have the best son in the world
Dad: I don't know ask your grandfather
Son: ._.

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Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

A young girl’s father had been in the hospital for a serious operation, and for several days he could not receive visitors. Still in pretty bad shape, he was finally allowed a visit from his family. His young daughter was baffled by her father’s condition. “But Dad, you look awful! Didn’t you get my get-well-card?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

"Why is Dad never home?" the 16 year old girl asked her mother.
"Well, dear, he has taken a second job so that you can have iPads, mobile phone, a TV in your room, club memberships, cosmetics, trendy clothes . . . he does it all for you, so his beautiful girl doesn't miss out on a thing."
"Wow," the teenager replied thoughtfully. "That's really very selfish of him, isn't it?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Son: Dad I failed my safety quiz
Dad: What? How?
Son: I missed the only question
Dad: What was the question?!?!
Son: What steps do we take in case of fire?
Dad: And what did you say?!
Son: Well I said f*cking large ones but apparently that's not rich
Dad: You are such a dumbass

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Dad Jokes

"Dad what do you call a lady president?"
"Well son, you call a lady president 'Madam President'."
"If that's what I call a lady president, what would I call a queen?"
"You already know that one son, you call her mom."

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Political Jokes Dad Jokes

You: Dad I just had sеx!
Dad: Really? Come sit down
You: I cant, my but hurts!
Dad:...
Im not a hомо, just a funny joke

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Insult Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes