Dark Humor Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

When you're in California and you think about New York, right off you think about the mob. Right? You think about the mob. And when the mob wants to take somebody out, they take that guy out -- that's it. Nothing to it: organized сriме. In South Central, we got unorganized сriме. 'Did you get him?'
'I got somebody....'

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Dark Humor Jokes

I tell people, 'Yeah, I'm from Chicago -- what's up?'
'Gasp! What street gang were you in?' I'm like, 'What the hеll make you think I got that kind of dedication and team spirit?'

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Dark Humor Jokes

You know what's weird about plane crashes is that you watch it on the news and they say the people have to be identified by their dental records. 'Cause if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

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News and Politics Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

If my dad could see me up here now he'd be very impressed. But you know, I'm sure wherever my dad is now, he would be looking down on us. He's not dead just very condescending.

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Dark Humor Jokes Dad Jokes

Go to L. A. -- they got gangbangers that will stab you, and then go to the corner and wait for the light to turn green.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Hey роор you pooped your pants KICKASS if you get it

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Dark Humor Jokes

We have a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Why'd we put them together? I called them up. 'Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.' I said, 'Yeah, what bourbon goes with an M-16?'

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Dark Humor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

What's big, white and would кill you if it fell out of a tree?
A fridge

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Dark Humor Jokes

Ladies, that's why it's hard for us to find a man: we're too emotional. We're too emotional. We're the only species that would shoot our man six times, and we would go to his funeral and be like, 'Why! Why'd he make me shoot him?'

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

If I'm making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can't ever рiss me off.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Q. what is the name of kickass's brother
A. Jackass

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Dark Humor Jokes

I nominate everybody on the titanic for a ice bucket water challenge!!!

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Dark Humor Jokes

Whats Big Wet And Green That Is Nocturnal.
- I Dont Know.
- Thats Why Im Asking

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Dark Humor Jokes

Kickass for kickass humor, the world's best joke website

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Dark Humor Jokes

I asked her to record the game on ESPN, which she did, but not ESPN-HD. And then she says, 'Well, at least you still get to watch it.' Oh yeah, I pay extra money so I can watch TV like poor people. I don't even feel bad for cheating on you this weekend.

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Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes

I had a kid who threatened to кill me one year because I gave him an F. Another teacher caught one of my students writing 'Кill Mr. Vallee' in his weekly planner in the section labeled 'Weekly Goals and Objectives.' And the school was freakin' out. They didn't know what to do about it. They kept asking me if I felt threatened, and I'm like, 'Why? This kid hasn't met any goals in his objectives all year.'

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

At a live orchestra, and lightening strikes, who gets hit first?
The Conductor

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Dark Humor Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

If you expect a kick in the ваlls and you get a slap in the face, then it's a victory.

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Dark Humor Jokes

I moved here about 13 years ago from Seattle, Washington. I left a city that has a high suicide rate for a city that has a high homicide rate. I guess I'm just not a 'do-it-yourself' kind of person.

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Dark Humor Jokes

It's cool to be back in Cleveland. I lived in L. A. for eight years. I can't tell you how cool it is to be able to go to the bank and make a deposit without body armor on.

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Dark Humor Jokes