Food Jokes - Page 49

A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another. By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there anyway. Without my teeth, all I can do is suск the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl."

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A man walks into a store and orders some rigatoni, some mozzarella, parmesan cheese and a bottle of red wine.

The clerk says "You must be Italian."

The customer, put off says, " If I ordered some potatoes, cabbage and a six pack of вееr would you say I must be Irish."

"No." Said the clerk, "THIS IS A HARDWARE STORE!"

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Food Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes Beer Jokes

Mr. Norris often donates food to the needy..
Unfortunately he can only deliver 'cans of whoop аss.'

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a вееr please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"

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Food Jokes

After a terrible shipwreck, a man found himself alone on an island. He went about the island in search of food and shelter. After a long walk, the man froze in terror as he saw a tribe of cannibals in the middle of a celebration. The man thought to himself, "I am so sсrеwеd!" To his surprise, a bright light came from the heavens and a deep voice said to him "Not yet my son, listen very carefully: what you have to do is run up to the chief of the tribe, kick him in the nuts, and take his spear. As soon as you take his spear, кill his only son with it." Without thinking twice, the man does as he was told. As he put the spear through the young cannibal's heart the bright light appeared again and the deep voice said to him "Now you are sсrеwеd."

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Food Jokes Men jokes

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time: I haven't made the f*cking porridge yet!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!

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Food Jokes

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

An Italian mother says,
"If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll кill you." A Jewish mother says,
"If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll кill myself."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

Q. Why did the apple run away?
A. Because the banana split!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Yo momma so fат her favorite food is seconds.

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Food Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

You've got your head so far up your аss you can chew your food twice.

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes

A fат man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fат guy and tells him, "Sorry about your weight."

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes

A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

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Food Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade.
Utkarsh:
"What are you doing these days?"
Sparsh:
"Phd."
Utkarsh:
"Wow! You're a doctor!"
Sparsh:
"No, Pizza Home Delivery."

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes

There were two cannibals who captured a man. They decided it would be fair if they started eating from opposite ends. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asked the other one, "How's it going down there?" And the other one replies,
"I'm having a ball!"

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Food Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the bartender, "Can I have a cigarette?" The bartender replies,
"Sure, the cigarette machine is over there." So he walks over to the machine and as he is about to order a cigarette, the machine suddenly says,
"Oi, you вlооdy idiот." The man says with surprise in his voice, "That's not very nice." He returns to his bar stool without a cigarette and asks the bartender for some peanuts. The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, "Ooh, I like your hair." The man says to the bartender, "Hey, what's going on here? Your cigarette machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why's this?" The bartender replies,
"Oh, that's because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementary."

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Why can't you tell an egg a joke?
Because it will сrаск up.

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Food Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

How do you get a blond on the roof?
You tell her the food is on the house.

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Food Jokes Blonde Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes