Halloween Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

With Halloween coming up I decided to go to my local fancy dress shop to see if I could get a Dracula costume.
After a few minutes the assistant handed me a Liverpool shirt.
“I think you have misheard me,” I said. “I wanted to look like a count.”

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Halloween Jokes

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room.
Fifteen minutes later she came back completely nакеd except for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself.
Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his manhood. His wife gave him a weird look and then the husband replied, “If you’re going as a sour-рuss, I’m going as a dictator.”

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Halloween Jokes

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.

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Halloween Jokes

Last Halloween I shouted through to the wife.
“Honey there’s a witch at the door what shall I do?”
She replied, “Just give her some sweets and tell her to fuск off.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

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Halloween Jokes

I’m not saying my wife’s ugly, but she went next door to tell them to keep the noise down and she came back with some Haribo.

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Halloween Jokes

Guy: can i spend Halloween at your house?
Girl: yeah sure what will u be wearing
Guy:My birthday suit

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Halloween Jokes

Thanks to Ebola, this Halloween, the scariest costume might turn out to be that sеxy nurse uniform.

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Halloween Jokes

For Halloween I’m dressing up as a plate.
Girls love to do dishes.

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Halloween Jokes

Pumpkin Lives Matter!
… (especially pumpkins on the porch!)

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Halloween Jokes

Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.

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Halloween Jokes

I’ve just phoned my senile old Gran and told her to be careful because there have been reports of flesh eating zombies trying to break into people’s homes in her area. She told me that she’ll load the gun and keep it by the front door just in case.
I fuскing love Halloween.

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Halloween Jokes

Last night, after I thought all of the trick or treaters were gone, a boy about 12 years of age came to my house.
He was dressed all in red. Instead of saying ‘trick or treat’, he said ‘I’m your period, sorry I’m late.
He got my last bag of sweets, and he restored all of my faith in his generation.

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Halloween Jokes

Pro tip: DO NOT compliment a girl on her slutty girl Halloween costume until you confirm it’s a slutty girl costume…

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Halloween Jokes

I went out for Halloween dressed as a chicken, and ended up going home with a girl who was dressed as an egg. I found out the answer to an age old question.
It was the chicken.

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Halloween Jokes

What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.

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Halloween Jokes

The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward.

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Halloween Jokes Attitude Jokes

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

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Halloween Jokes

This Halloween the witches are all “Going Commando.”
It gives them a better grip on their broomstick

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Halloween Jokes

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A boo-tie.

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Halloween Jokes

Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.

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Halloween Jokes