Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A snail is paints a big letter S on his car.
His friend the turtle ses him and asks why. The snail replies, "When people see me drive by, they can say, 'Look at the S-car-go!'"

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Kids Jokes

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren
...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

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Kids Jokes Religion jokes Blue Collar Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,
"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY."
The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."

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Kids Jokes

The little boy looks up at the farmer and says, ''I don't know where you come from, but where I come from we put cream and sugar on our strawberries.

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Kids Jokes

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Q: How did the telephone operator propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.

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Kids Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would put candy in the kids' mouth and they would guess what it was. She went to the first little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth.
"Can you guess what it is?"
"I don't know," said the boy.
"I'll give you a hint. It's something your daddy asks your mommy for every morning."
The girl next to the boy says "Don't eat it. It's a piece of аss."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Q: Why did the mouse go to the party?
A: He heard they were playing Parcheesi!

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Kids Jokes

Why'd the boy eat his homework?
His teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
"May I speak to your parents?"
"They're busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The police."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The firemen."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"So let me get this straight - your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?"
"Looking for me."

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Kids Jokes

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time. School lunches stick to the wall. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Dog jokes

A little boy brags to a little girl, "I have a big fire engine."
The girl responds, "So what? I have a fire engine, too."He says, "I have a toy tank."
She replies, "So what? I have a tank, too."
The young boy drops his pants and says, "I have a реnis!"
The little girl looks down her pants and runs home crying.The next day, the little girl sees the little boy, and he tells her, "You still don't have a реnis, and I do!" She replies, "My mom told me not to worry about it. She said that as long as I have what I have, I can get as many of those as I want."

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Kids Jokes

Three girls asked their mother if they could invite their boyfriends over for dinner.
Their mother told them to go upstairs to get ready and to call them. An hour later, when the girls were not downstairs yet, and the boyfriends had still not shown up, the mother went to check on the three girls. She went to the first girl's door and she was laughing. She didn't say anything and she went to the second girl's door. She was crying. She didn't say a word and she went to the third girl's door. The third girl wasn't saying anything. So the mother went back to the first girl's door.
"Why are you laughing?"
"It's so small it tickles!" She went to the second girl's door and asked her why she was crying.
"It's so big, I can't get it out!" She went to the third girl's door and asked her why she wasn't saying anything.
"Well," the third girl replied, "you've always told me not to talk with my mouth full!"

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Kids Jokes

Q: Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.

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Kids Jokes

Q: What does a slice of toast wear to bed?
A: Jammies.

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Kids Jokes

A mother takes her four-year-old to the hospital to have his tonsils removed. She asks the the doctor if he could also perform a circumcision while the boy's under. The doctor agrees.
When the boy returns to kindergarten, a classmate tells him that he is also going to get his tonsils removed.
The four-year-old tells his friend, "They're not where you think they are."

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Kids Jokes

A very tall ninth grader was acting up in class. His teacher told him, "Act your age, not your shoe size."
The boy looked down at his size 14 shoes and said, "But they're the same."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Two boys are playing by a stream when they spy a woman bathing nudе around the bend. One of the boys takes off running in the opposite direction. The other boy chases after him and asks why he took off.
"Well," the boy says, "my mom told me that if I ever spied on a nакеd lady, I'd turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard!"

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Kids Jokes

A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop with a Тwinкiе in her hand.
She sits on the seat and the barber puts the plastic cover on her. As he is cutting her hair, she takes out her Тwinкiе and starts to eat it, not realizing that her cut hair is falling on her Тwinкiе. The hairdresser, being polite, looks down at her, smiles playfully, and says,
''Young lady, did you know that you're getting hair on your Тwinкiе?''
She smiles back, and says,
''Yes, I know...I'm growing воовs too!''

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Kids Jokes Hairdresser Jokes Boob Jokes