Alien Jokes

Trump ordered the UFO files to be opened ...

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- Is that Earth? - Yes. - Go lock the door

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Alien Jokes

Two aliens landed their spacecraft in a creek next to a rural farm. They disembarked the saucer, getting themselves soaked from the muddy water.

The first person the aliens saw was a ten year old boy fishing close by. The aliens said, "We want to see your leader but we don't know what to expect?"

The boy replied, "Well, I suspect you'll get grounded for two weeks for tracking mud in the house."

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Sci-Fi Jokes Alien Jokes

Lebron better than Jordan?
Ha! Yea right.
Talk to me when Lebron saves the lооnеy tunes from an alien race.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sports Jokes Alien Jokes

Much controversy surrounds Area 51, which is also known as Chuck Norris's playground.
Those flying saucers are similar to our model cars and planes.

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Car and driving jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Alien Jokes

Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!

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Golf jokes Men jokes Alien Jokes

It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. There is never any dust or lint in the ventilation ducts.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames or explode.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a вlоw to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it””s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to кill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes Alien Jokes

What is an alien’s favourite chocolate?
A mars bar

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Space jokes Alien Jokes

Aliens do exist.
They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Alien Jokes

Chuck Norris abducts aliens.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Alien Jokes

The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across theborder into Canada has intensified beginning early yesterday morning.
Trump’s victory is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans
Who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution.
Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens ofsociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists,and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywoodproducer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer RedGreenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold,exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-rangechicken.
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higherfences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakersthat blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck theirfingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularlyconcerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border,pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, wherethey are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," anAlberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a singlebottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. Allthey had was a little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale сhiрs. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, oftenwailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers.
Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-educationcamps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic вееr, study theConstitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants arecreating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the BarbaraStreisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloadingjazzercise apps to their cell phones.
"I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economyjust can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, howmany art-history majors does one country need?"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes American Jokes Beer Jokes Military Jokes Alien Jokes American Presidents Humor

Alien from "A. V. P" is just Chuck Norris' Gecko.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Alien Jokes

Why aren't the aliens making contact?
They are afraid of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Alien Jokes

When Neil Armstrong first landed on the moon he saw aliens worshiping Chuck Norris's footprints.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Alien Jokes

What’s a aliens favorite computer key?
The space bar!

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Space jokes Alien Jokes

What to you call ot when a Mexican and a pedofile fight?
Alien vs Preditor

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Military Jokes Alien Jokes

Chuck Norris shaves with predator mandibles and uses alien blood for shaving cream.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Alien Jokes

What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens?
Undocumented democrats.

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Obama jokes Alien Jokes American Presidents Humor

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
... And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Сhrisт?"
"Jesus Сhrisт?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"

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Mars Jokes Alien Jokes

Aliens DO indeed exist.
They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Alien Jokes

Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion
Probably because Mexico has more aliens

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Donald Trump Jokes Alien Jokes American Presidents Humor

Yo mamma’s so fат, that if you throw her out the window people will start screaming:
Look, a flying saucer!

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes Alien Jokes

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be “Alien vs Predator”?

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Kids Jokes Military Jokes Alien Jokes

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said,
"You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.
We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said,
"Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six метh dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.
"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

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Lawyer Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Boss Jokes Alien Jokes

Take me away from here! I miss the days when they used to be afraid of us.

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Alien Jokes

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Alien Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

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Alien Jokes

Earth map we have. Earth map aliens have

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Alien Jokes USA Jokes

So, what did you find out? You can tell them anything! And I mean ANYTHING

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Donald Trump Jokes Alien Jokes

I read on Facebook today that Mark Zuckerberg has transitioned from alien to a woman (I'm not here to judge) and now would like to be referred to Elona. I read it on FB so it has to be fact.

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