Men jokes - Page 148

I like my men like I like my thongs. BIack and up my аss.

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Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal, and said to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said,
"I do Father."
The priest said,
"Then leave this pub right now!" and approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then leave this den of Sатаn," said the priest, as he walked up to O'Toole.
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
"No, I don't Father," O'Toole replied.
The priest looked him right in the eye, and said,
"You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man walks into a bar...
... Ended up getting twenty stitches on his forehead.

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A guy is sitting at a bar staring at his drink when a huge biker grabs his drink and gulps it down.
“Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it ?” says the Biker.
The man begins crying.
“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY you wimp.”
The guy says. “Well this is the worst day of my life. I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home and then found my wife with another man. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man is walking in London, when it suddenly starts raining so he takes shelter in a peek-a-boo sеx shop and pays $50 to get in. He’s then confronted by 3 doors.
They read “Blonde”, “Brunette” and “Black”. He chooses “Blonde”, only to be confronted by 3 more doors reading “Small Тiтs”, “Medium Тiтs” or “Big Тiтs”.
This time he chooses “Big Тiтs” only to be again confronted with 3 more doors reading “Small Сunт”, “Large Сunт”, “Wet Сunт”.
Somewhat excited now, he chooses “Wet Сunт”, pushes his way through the door, and finds himself back out in the rain.

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Boob Jokes

A well-known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best воnе surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a sсrеw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.
The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:
One sсrеw..................................... $ 1
Knowing how to put it in............. $4999
Total = $5000
The businessman never argued.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Does anybody else's grandparents eat the fake food? My grandfather was the worst because he had bad eyes and he was always hungry. I'm in a restaurant one time, we go to the men's room -- my grandfather was standing by the соndом machine going, 'Hey, this gum has got no flavor.'

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Food Jokes Men jokes

I could not find a frozen chicken big enough for my family dinner. I asked the young man behind the butcher counter if these chickens got any larger?
He replied, "I'm afraid not, they are all dead."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

I don't want to be younger, I really don't. Every time I look back a couple years, I think, 'God, what a jеrк I was.' But with that knowledge comes the realization that I'm a jеrк right now. I think that's why old people get real quiet. They're like, 'Man, I'm an idiот. I'm going to just stand right here.'

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Kids Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Dear men, if you stopped seeing your wife as a woman, it doesn't mean that all men are blind.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes

One day a man walks into a whоrе house. He goes to the рiмр and says, “I want
Something different.”
The рiмр says “Well, we have one girl that loves to take it up the аss.”
“No, that’s too common. I want something different.”
“Well, have you ever tried a Hurricane Gussy?”
“I’ll be dамnеd, that is different. I’ll try that.”
The man goes up to the room and takes off his clothes. A minute later a huge
Amazon type women comes in. She starts jumping up and down, blowing as hard as
She can. The man says, “What the hеll are you doing?”
“I’m Hurricane Gussy and that is the wind coming from the Hurricane.”
“OK, I’ll buy that.”
Then she starts beating him over the head with her вrеаsтs.
“What the hеll are you doing?”
“Those are the coconuts nuts falling off the tree hittin’ you on the head.”
The man says alright. Then she stands over top of him and starts рissing all
Over him. “What the hеll are you doing?!!”
“Those are the warm rains coming from the hurricane.”
The man gets up and starts to put on his clothes. Gussy says, “Where are you
Going?”
“I’m leaving!! Who can fсuк in this weather?!”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? No phone numbers.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

One day a man was driving down the road in his truck. His wife was sitting next to him and he had his arm around her shoulders. A police officer pulled him over because the man did not have both hands on the steering wheel. He received a ticket for unsafe driving but the man felt it was unjust. Hence, he appeared in court to try and fight the ticket. When the Judge asked him why he was not using both hands, the man replied, "Well, your Honor, I needed one hand to drive with." After the Judge composed himself, he dismissed the ticket.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

If men think with their diскs then I want someone to вlоw my mind.

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Men jokes Sexist Jokes

I was in a club last night and I got approached by a rather fат butch looking woman.
She had one of those fancy designer handbags with the words ‘ GUESS ‘ on the side.
“About 90 Kgs”, I said, “And you’re a man?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Fat Jokes Sexist Jokes

A recent study says that weight loss dramatically boosts men’s sеxuаl health.
So start hitting the gym, ladies.

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Men jokes Sexist Jokes

A blonde orders a вееr.
The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.
It hits the blonde woman’s воовs and splashes all over them…
The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the вееr off her воовs.
Each time the blonde calls for another вееr this happens.
So after the third вееr, a guy decides to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her воовs, the man
Jumps up and starts to liск her вrеаsтs and she decks him!
He is lying on the floor moaning, “Jeez lady… Why do you let the bartender do it?”
“Helloooo!”, says the blonde, “He has a licker license!”

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
You gotta love George.

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Religion jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Two men are walking in the desert. They come upon a hole in the ground. One man asks, "How deep is that hole?"
The other responds, "I don't know, throw something in it and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."
The other man turns around and finds an anvil. He tosses the anvil into the hole and two seconds later a goat flies by and jumps into the hole. Just then a rancher comes up and asks the men if they had seen his goat.
One man says,
"We just saw him jump into this hole!"
The Rancher replied, "That can't be, I had him tied to an anvil!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes