Men jokes - Page 164

A middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only six month's to live because of a terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up.
The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.
"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law".
Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked,
"Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"
"Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"

0 0

If it weren't for women, I'd have all the men I need. I'd be Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. You'd be my loyal subject -- not for sеx, just to fetch me stuff. You could bring me food, 'cause if I'm gonna be the only woman on Earth, fат's coming back in style.

0 0

Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat.
The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it's food.
"What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck's nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it'll drown."
The man goes about his business and about a week later the Doctor runs into his patient.
"Well, how is that duck of yours?" the Doctor inquires.
"He's dead." declared the heartbroken man.
"I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn't he?" insisted the Doctor.
"No." lamented the man. "I think he was dead before I took him out of the vise."

0 0

Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A man stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip, three pennies.
As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."
The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?"
"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man. Barely able to conceal his pride."
The man utters, "Hmm, true enough."
"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her perception, he says,
"Well, that's true, too."
"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."

0 0

Food Jokes Men jokes

A young lady to her friends:
"You know I have never been kissed by any man except my husband."
One friend:
"Are you boasting or complaining?"

0 0

Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A man was walking down the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed. As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed, "My God! Whoever did this really needs help!"

0 0

God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A man and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table, which is next to the window. The man's name is Rudolph, and since he is Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red." Rudolph looked out the window and said to his wife, "Oh look honey, it's raining outside." She looks out as well and says,
"No, I think that is snow." He looks at her and says,
"Rudolph the red knows rain dear."

0 0

Men jokes

3 men go on a skiing holiday in the Alps and have to share the same bed, in the morning the following conversation takes place.
Man on left:
“I had a dream last night that I got a hand job.”
Man on right:
“No way, I also had a dream about that as well!”
Man in middle:
“That’s funny I had a dream I was skiing.”

0 0

Dirty jokes Men jokes

The little boy was no more than seven years old. It was time for Church, and he wanted to take his teddy bear, whom he had always called Frank. His parents protested, but he insisted that he had to take Frank, so they finally relented.
When the donation baskets were passed, he put the teddy bear in the plate, along with a few coins.
Later, when asked about it, he simply said,
"Well, the Bible says the wise men brought Jesus the gifts gold, frankincense and myrrh. I didn't have any gold, and I don't know what myrrh is. So I just gave Frank and cents!"

0 0

Men jokes

Men live better than women. First of all, they get married later and secondly, they die earlier.

0 0

Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes

Men approve of premarital sеx until daughters are born.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

That is easily the five most stereotypical gаy men I've ever seen in my life. They might as well have just called the show 'The Five Walking Vaginas.'

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A woman is like a well-served table at which a man looks one way before he eats and differently after he ate.

0 0

Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

The flight attendant on the trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As the young man stepped forward, she playfully offered some to him.
He passed, pointing to the Airborne wings on his Army uniform. He explained, “The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.”

0 0

Kids Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

Why was Adam the happiest man ever lived?
Because he was the only man without a mother-in-law.

0 0

Men jokes

White people will go anywhere. They don't care. It's like, 'C'mon, let's go! It'll be fun!' See, black people, we can't just roll out like that, man. We gotta ask questions before we go, like, 'Is there gonna be a lot of cops up there?'

0 0

Nationality Jokes Men jokes

Talk to each other, that's how you do it. We talk to each other, and we ask each other questions. They might be awkward questions, but that's how you get the ball rolling. Like, you can say, 'Hey white man, how come you're so tense and afraid?' Then he can say, 'Hey black man, how'd you get into my apartment?'

0 0

Nationality Jokes Men jokes

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he"
"D been sitting on a park bench.

0 0

News and Politics Jokes Men jokes

“Hey Doc. What’s the news?”
“I got bad news and even badder news.”
“I’ll take the bad news first.”
“You’re going to die in one day.”
“Man that is bad news, what can be even badder than that???"
“I was trying to reach you since yesterday.”

0 0

News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes