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Men vs Women Jokes

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What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl?
A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home.
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Men vs Women Jokes
An old man finds a соndом in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.
"It's a соndом," replies the grandson, sheepishly.
"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.
The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."
Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a соndом.
"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.
"Big enough to fit a Camel."
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Men vs Women Jokes
Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that reads: "Соw For Sale - $5,000."
He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no соw in the world worth$5,000." The farmer says, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the соw's tail and Harry sees that the соw has a snатсh just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a соw that has a snатсh like a woman and it's worth $5,000, and here I am, with you, with a snатсh like a соw, and you're not worth sh*t."
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Men vs Women Jokes
Two drunк guys try to pick up some girls. Two girls go home with drunк guys home, slip вlоw-up dolls into their beds and leave.
The next morning, one guy tells the other, "I think my girl was a witch! When I bit her on the тiт, she hissed and flew away."
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Men vs Women Jokes
A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam.
After a moment, he says, "You have an unusually deep vаginа."
The woman replies, "You don't have to say it twice."
The doctor says, "I didn't."
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На гинеколог Σαραντάρα - Охо-о-о - каза гинекологът. — Ого! Un gynécologue examine une patiente et lui dit : C'est une femme qui consulte son gynéco: - Docteur, mon mari me dit que mon sexe est trop grand, enfin trop large quoi... - Déshabillez-vous, je vais vous donner mon avis. La femme se déshabille et se met sur la table d'auscultation. Et là le docteur crie: - Quelle chatte immense!! Quelle chatte... Aquela senhora tinha uma vagina enorme e sempre se sentia constrangida quando tinha de ir ao ginecologista, por isso resolveu mudar de médico. — Pode tirar a roupa e deitar-se ali — disse o novo... A woman goes to her gynecologist. He examines her and says, "What a hole! What a hole!" And she says "You didn't have to say it twice!" And he says "I didn't, it was an echo." Una signora va dal ginecologo Ginecologo: "Ok signora, ora apre le gambe" Dopo averle aperte il ginecologo le fa: "Vedo che lei ha una vagina molto grande.. Vedo che lei ha una vagina molto grande"... - Ojojoj (powiedział ginekolog) - Ojojoj jojoj jojoj (odpowiedziało echo)
Men vs Women Jokes Gynecology Jokes
Why did the gynecologist go to the eye doctor?
Because things were looking a little fuzzy.
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Men vs Women Jokes Gynecology Jokes
Q: Why did the blonde run out of shampoo so fast?
A: She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!
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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes
Q: What two men's hobbies require the most hand-eye coordination?
A: Video games and роrn.
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Men vs Women Jokes
Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the rights to Viаgrа?
He's renaming it Microhard.
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Men vs Women Jokes Viagra jokes
Q: What did the вrа say to the hat?
A: "You go on ahead while I give these two a lift."
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Men vs Women Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A man walking down the street trips over an old oil lamp. As he picks it up, a genie pops out and says, "I will grant you one wish."
The man says, "I want to live in a mansion in Hawaii, but I'm afraid of boats and planes, so I want there to be a bridge from here to there."
The genie sighs. "That's too much work. Sorry, can't make it happen."
The man says, "Fine, then I want to understand women."
The genie replies, "Would you like two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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Der Geist in der Flasche One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off. A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish. A man was strolling along a beach in California. À Brest, un retraité est en train de biner son jardin lorsqu'il tombe sur une vieille lampe à huile, comme celle d'Aladdin. A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man... En man är ute och promenerar på en strand i Kalifornien och funderar över livet när han helt plötsligt utbrister: - "Herre, uppfyll en önskan åt mig!" Plötsligt fylls himlen av mörka moln över hans huvud och han hör Gud säga med mörk röst: -... Een man wandelde op het strand en was in diep gebed verzonken. Plots zei hij luidop: "God, laat me één wens doen". De lucht brak open boven zijn hoofd en de luide stem van God riep: "Omdat jij mij... Mies kulki yksinään rannalla ja löysi pullon lojumassa hiekassa. Hän kurkottui poimimaan pullon ja veti korkin ulos. Savupilven keskeltä tuli esiin henki. Henki kiitti nopeasti miestä vapaudestaan...
Men vs Women Jokes
What is six inches long with a head on it, that women like to вlоw?
MONEY.
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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes
Q: Why did the blonde get pulled over by the police?
A: Her headlights weren't working, so she was flashing people.
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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes
How do you stop a dog who's huмрing your leg?
Whack him off!
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Men vs Women Jokes Dog jokes
Two women, one from the north and one from the south, are seated next to one another on a plane.
"Where you flyin' to?" says the southern woman. The northern woman turns up her nose.
"Don't you know you should NEVER end a sentence with a preposition?" The southern woman thinks about this for a second.
"Where you flyin' to, вiтсh?"
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Men vs Women Jokes
Q: Why was the 6'6" guy so brokenhearted after his 4'9" girlfriend dumped him?
A: He was nuts over her.
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Men vs Women Jokes
Q: Why does a man's реnis have a hole in it?
A: So he can get oxygen to his brain.
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Men vs Women Jokes
How do you keep a blonde at home?
Build a circular driveway.
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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes
Q: What is a hоокеr in Alaska called?
A: A frostitute.
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Men vs Women Jokes
A man in a hotel lobby accidentally bumps a woman in the вrеаsт with his elbow.
Quite apologetic, he turns to her and says "If your heart is as soft as your вrеаsт, you will surely forgive me."
She leans up to him and whispers "If your реnis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
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Meкo и Тврдо Στο ασανσέρ Στο 202!!! Un homme se cogne contre une femme dans un hall d’hôtel. Приближавайки към рецепцията на престижен хотел в Benidorm, странен шум привлича вниманието на един от клиентите. В лифт вбегает мужчина и задевает локтем грудь стоящей рядом женщины. Пълен асансьор. Млъд мъж се качил, но при влизането докоснал гърдите на жена с лакът: Ein Mann rammt aus versehen in einem Hotel einer Dame seinen Ellbogen in die Brust. Er entschuldigt sich: В асансьор на хотел без да иска мъж удря с лакът в гърдите млада дама. - Ох, извинете! Ако сърцето ви е толкова меко и топло колкото гърдите ви, ще ми простите... - Ако онази ви работа е толкова твърда, колкото и лакътя ви, то тогава сте поканен в моята стая - номер 324... - му отговаря тя. Ao entrar num elevador, o sujeito inadvertidamente esbarrou com o cotovelo nos seios avantajados de uma loira lindíssima.Aproveitou para tirar um sarrinho: — Se o seu coração for tão mole quanto os seus seios, tenho certeza de que a senhorita há de me perdoar! E ela: — Se o seu pau for tão duro... A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.... En ung sexig kille stod i hotell receptionen när hans telefon ringde. Hastigt drog han upp telefonen ur fickan och råkade då armbåga tjejen bakom honom. Då sa han med ett ursäktande leende: - Om... Paul stößt in der Hotelhalle versehentlich mit dem Ellenbogen an den Busen einer jungen Frau. Er entschuldigt sich mit den Worten: "Wenn Ihr Herz so zart ist wie Ihr Busen werden Sie mir sicherlich... En kille står i hotellobbyn och väntar på att få checka in. Då ringer hans mobil och när han plockar fram den råkar han köra armbågen i bröstet på tjejen intill. Han vänder sig om och säger: - Har... Een man komt een hotel binnen lopen en stoot daar per ongelijk met zijn elleboog op de borsten van een vrouw. “Mijn excuses, maar als uw hart net zo zacht is als uw borsten kan u mij vergeven”... Een man staat bij de receptie van het hotel. Hij wil juist de man bij de receptie een vraag stellen, als hij per ongeluk tegen een vrouw naast hem stoot, en met zijn elleboog tussen haar borsten... En el vestíbulo de un hotel, un tipo se cruza con una chica guapísima. En ese momento, oye un ruido y, al girarse, sin querer, golpea a la mujer en un pecho con el codo. A modo de disculpa le... Un uomo si scontra con una donna nella hall di un hotel e nell'urto finisce col gomito sul suo seno. Entrambi sono molto imbarazzati. L'uomo cerca di scusarsi e dice: - Signora, se il vostro... Ketten állnak egy szálloda recepciójánál, egy férfi és egy nő. Ahogy a férfi megfordul, véletlenül beleütközik a könyöke a nő mellébe. Udvariasan, kissé flörtölve megjegyzi: - Hölgyem, ha az ön... Mies törmää hotellin käytävällä vahingossa naiseen. Törmäyksessä miehen kyynärpää osuu naisen rintaan. - Jos sydämesi on yhtä pehmeä kuin rintasi, annat varmaan anteeksi, mies aloittaa. - Jos... Mann rempelt Frau an der Hotelrezeption an. Beide gucken etwas verstört. Mann: "Wenn Ihr Herz so weich ist wie Ihr Busen, werden Sie mir verzeihen." Frau: "Wenn Ihr Ding so hart ist wie Ihr...
Men vs Women Jokes Hotel Jokes
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