Men-Women jokes

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want."
The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep."
The farmer exclaims, "Wow - you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep."
The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him.
"Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one."
"Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted."
And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my dog."

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A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"
"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."
"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Sailor Jokes

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.
The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and вrа off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed.
So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this."

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Men vs Women Jokes Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore.
She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left вrеаsт. That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Why did God invent a man first?
She wanted to start with something simple.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It's a sin to put it in, but a shame to pull it out.

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Men vs Women Jokes

How do you get a nun pregnant?
F**k her.

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Men vs Women Jokes

What do you call a hоrny skeleton?
A воnеr!

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Along came a blonde who thought it looked like fun.
So she joined in and started singing "21, 21, 21, 21," and then a train came.
The brunette jumped off the tracks but the train ran over the blonde.
The brunette got back on the train tracks and started singing "22, 22, 22, 22,..."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Why do blondes wear tampons when they skydive?
A: So they don't whistle on their way down.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

How are a blonde's legs like automatic doors?
You walk toward them and they open!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her.
He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, she answered,
''Yes, we use it when we have sеxuаl inтеrсоursе.''
The interviewer was amazed. He said,
''I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose. But I know that most people really use it for sеxuаl inтеrсоursе, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?''
''We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out.''

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Men vs Women Jokes

A nun was walking down the corridor when suddenly she trips up.
She yells out in pain, "Oh Сhrisт! Oh God, I said Сhrisт! Oh s**t, I said God! Oh, f**k, I said s**t! Oh, who wants to be a f**king nun anyway?"

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Men vs Women Jokes

A lady walks into the local record store.
"Do you have Jingle Bells on the old 12 inch?" she asks.
"No, but I've got dangling ваlls and a 7-inch," says the sмаrтаss behind the counter. The lady thinks for a second.
"Is that a record?"
"I think so. I'm only 14."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why didn't Smokey the Bear have cubs?
A: Every time his wife got hot, he stomped her out.

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Men vs Women Jokes

"Doctor, everytime I sneeze I have an оrgаsм!"
"Are you doing anything for it?"
"Snorting pepper."

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Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head first.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: You don't know when it's going to come, how many inches you'll get or how long it'll last.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Q: What's a blonde's definition of socialism?
A: Partying!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Three bored girls are sitting around, and one of them suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
The first girl says, "I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause seven days a week, he's up."
The second girl answers, "I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."
The third girl replies, "Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."
Her friends argue, "You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop, and you're talking about a hard liquor."
The third girl says, "Exactly."

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Men vs Women Jokes