Men-Women jokes

A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine.
The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. He sneezes again, unzips and wipes himself off with the handkerchief.
The woman says, "Sir, that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."
He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing condition that causes me to оrgаsм every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, says with sympathy, "Oh, you poor man. What do you take for it?"
"Pepper," he answers.

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A boy was playing with himself in the bathtub when his father walked in and said, "Son, if you don't stop doing that, you'll go blind."
The boy replied,"Dad, I'm over here."

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Men vs Women Jokes

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site.
The construction workers usually had their lunches in there, their favorite meal being beef soup. But one day the chef ran out of meat and in his panicked state he ran out the door in the hope of finding a ride to town. After noticing that there was no vehicles nearby he sadly started walking back to his restaurant. Upon nearing the construction site he saw a sheep tied up on a pole nearby. He was so happy that he untied the sheep and proceeded to his place. At lunchtime the construction workers walked in and ordered their favorite soup. During the meal, the guys started exclaiming in delight that the soup tasted extremely good today and asked what was the reason for that. The chef was pleased and proceeded to tell them about his predicament. Everyone stopped eating with a dazed look on their faces. The chef asked,
"What's the matter boys, did I sсrеw up the cooking?"
"No." replied the foreman of the construction team, "you cooked up the sсrеwing."

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Men vs Women Jokes Restaurant Jokes

"Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?"
Dad replied ''That's Grandpa!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why did the squirrel lay on its stomach?
A: To keep its nuts warm.

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Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
To keep his nuts warm!

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Men vs Women Jokes

Three blondes die and go to St. Peter. He says, "I have one question, and if you get it right, I will let you into Heaven."
He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
She answers, "That's the time of the year when our whole family gets together and we eat turkey."
St. Peter says to the next blonde, "What is Easter?"
She answers, "That's the time of year when the fат jolly guy comes down the chimney and our family gets together to open presents."
St. Peter asks the third blonde, "What is Easter?"
She says, "That's when Сhrisт died and they put him in a tomb behind a rock."
"That's right!" exclaims St. Peter.
"Then, once a year," continues the third blonde, "we roll the stone away and he comes out, and if he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter."

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Fat Jokes Easter Jokes

A guy suffers from extreme abdominal pain and sees a doctor.
The doctor says that medicated rестаl inserts should rectify the problem. After performing the initial insertion, the doctor explains that the second should be inserted before bed.
That night, the man asks his wife to help him. His wife puts a hand on his shoulder to steady him and inserts the medicine. He lets out a wail. "Did I hurt you?" she asks.
"No - I just realized that the doctor had BOTH hands on my shoulders!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

A man notices his grandpa sitting on his front porch, completely nакеd from the waist down. "Grandpa, why are you sitting out here without pants?" he exclaims.
The old man says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

My wife and I are having a baby - soon as I get her pregnant.
We've been trying. My sреrм have been told their whole lives not to get any woman pregnant. They've gotten extremely good at it.

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Men vs Women Jokes

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said walk.
She started walking and, when she was in the middle of the street, the sign turned to don't walk. So she stopped.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Two people were stranded on an iceberg with only a telescope.
One of them was looking through the telescope and said, ''We're saved! Look, it's the Titanic!''

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde have square воовs?
A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boob Jokes

A drunк stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?"
The woman replies, "Listen you drunken ваsтаrd, that's a dog not a pig."
The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"

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Men vs Women Jokes Dog jokes

A man visits the doctor because of his severe stuttering problem.
The doctor says, "It appears that your реnis is four inches too long and is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing the stutter."
"D-d-d-oct-t-tor. Wh-ha-a-at c-c-can I d-d-do?"
The doctor tells him that he must remove the extra four inches to relieve the strain.
Six months after the operation, the patient returns for his check-up. "Doctor, the operation was a success. I no longer stutter, I have a great job and my self-esteem is fantastic. However, my wife says that she misses the great sеx we used to have. I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those four inches."
The doctor hesitates for a minute and then says, "I d-d-d-on't th-th-think-k-k-k that wo-wo-wo-ould b-be p-p-pos-s-s-ib-b-ble."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: How do cowboys do it rodeo style?
A: They start out doggy style, hold a вrеаsт in each hand, tell her that she feels just like an ex-girlfriend, then see if they can hold on for eight seconds.

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Men vs Women Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

One day a blonde finds out from her friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. So one day she goes out to the mall and buys a gun. After that she goes to her boyfriend's house. She busts down the door and points the gun at her head.
"What are you doing?'' says her boyfriend.
"Shut up! You're next!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Cheating Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to кill herself?
She jumped out a basement window!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A redneck couple goes to a hotel for their honeymoon. The husband goes to the front desk and stresses that this is a very important occasion and they'll need a deluxe suite.
The clerk says, "Well, I can give you the bridal.
The fellow thinks a moment and replies, "No, that's not necessary. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."

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Men vs Women Jokes Hotel Jokes

A bodybuilder was admiring his body in the mirror when he noticed he was suntanned everywhere but his реnis. So, he went to the beach, nакеd, and buried himself in the sand with only his реnis sticking out.
Two elderly ladies walked by and saw this реnis sticking out of the sand. One of them moved it around with her cane. She said to her friend, "There isn't any justice in this world."
Her friend asked her what she meant.
"When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I demanded it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the dамn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

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Men vs Women Jokes