Men-Women jokes

Why did the redneck school stop teaching sеx ed?
They needed the car for driver's ed.

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How do you know that an auto mechanic just had sеx?
One of his fingers is clean

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

A young married couple maintains a strict sеxuаl schedule. Every day, the husband and wife get home from work at 5 p.m. and have sеx at 5:15 p.m.
One day, the wife comes down with the flu and goes on antibiotics. The medicine kills all the germs, except for three, who huddle together inside her body to talk over survival tactics.
One germ decides to hide from the antibiotics between two toes on her left foot. The second germ decides to hide behind her right ear.
The last germ says, "You guys do what you want, but when the 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: How did the blonde prepare for safe sеx?
A: She installed a padded headboard.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Why don't rabbits make noise when they have sеx?
A: They have cotton ваlls.

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Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: Why is air a lot like sеx?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is it a sin to have sеx before receiving communion?
He replied, "Only if you block the aisle."

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Men vs Women Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: What is the square root of 69?
A: Eight something.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Fred, Bob and Mike visit a whоrеhоusе.
Fred comes out of the first bedroom and says, "She put a powdered donut on my d**k."
Bob comes out of the second bedroom and says, "She put a glazed donut on my d**k."
Mike comes out of the third bedroom, holding two dollars. Fred and Bob ask, "Did she donut you?"
"No" says Mike, "she told me to go and buy a box of Cheerios."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Why do women have legs?
So they can get from the bedroom to the kitchen!

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Men vs Women Jokes

A young woman goes to church and confesses her sins to the priest.
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?"
"No," the priest says, "but it'll wipe that smile off your face!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: What aren't blondes sexually active?
A: Because they just lie there.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in Texas. One day Trevor rides on his bike into town and he sees a building on fire, so he goes back home and tells his brother, "Herman, Herman there is a fire and people are getting burned!"
His brother says "Oh, that was on the radio - that's old news.
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a bank being robbed, so he rides back home and says "Herman, Herman there is bank being robbed and people are getting shot and killed!"
His brother says, "Oh that was on the radio - that's old news."
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a pig stuck in a fence and starts to thinkin'... Then he rides home and says, "Herman Herman! I had my first sequal experience today!"
His brother says, "In a pig's аss,"
And Trevor replies, "Oh, you and your sтuрid radio."

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Men vs Women Jokes Banker Jokes

Q: Why should lumberjacks shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from feminists.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when a woman sidles up next to him. "You're cute," says the woman, "do you want to go back to my place and have some nasty sеx?"
"You bet!'' exclaims the hillbilly, "But I have to tell you, I'm a virgin. I've always been scared because my mom told me that women have sharp teeth between their legs, and sometimes they bite."
"Don't worry," the woman says, and the two head back to her place, where she strips and shows the hillbilly her private parts. "Now, does it look like I have teeth down there?" she asks.
"How could you possible have teeth down there?" he says, "Look at the shape your gums are in."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Blue Collar Jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

A farmer finds a man sсrеwing one of his sheep and a little boy watching.
He walks up to the boy and asks, "Who's that sсrеwing my sheep?"
The boy replies, "That's my Daa-aa-aad."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sеx.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want."
The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep."
The farmer exclaims, "Wow - you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep."
The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him.
"Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one."
"Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted."
And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my dog."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"
"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."
"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Sailor Jokes

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.
The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and вrа off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed.
So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this."

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Men vs Women Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes