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Old People Jokes

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An old man goes to the doctor to ask him an important question.
“Doctor, when I was in my 20’s, it took both of my hands to push down my hard-on.”
“When I was in my 30’s, it took one hand to push down my hard-on.”
“When I was in my 50’s, it took three fingers to push down my hard-on.”
“Now that I’m in my 60’s, it only takes one finger to push down on my hard-on!”
“So what I’m basically trying to ask you is? How strong am I going to get?”
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes
Here are the texting codes for the older generation:
ATD - at the doctor.
BFF - best friend fell.
BTW -bring the wheelchair .
BYOT - bring your own teeth.
FWIW - forgot where I was.
GGPBL - gotta go, pacemaker battery low.
GHA - got heartburn again.
IMHO - is my hearing aid on?
LMDO -laughing my dentures out.
OMMR - on my massage recliner.
WIWYA - when I was your age.
ROFLACGU - rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes
Codes for seniors:
ATD - At the Doctor’s
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Воwеl Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFL…CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing…Can’t get Up!
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA - Wet the Furniture Again
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!
DTAF - Don’t Trust A Fart
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes
Why are there so many old people in Church? They're cramming for the final.
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Old People Jokes Christian Jokes
For many years fred's secret sunday afternoon naps went undetected
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Old People Jokes
I can't wait to retire so I can get up at 6 in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work
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Old People Jokes
At the age of 60, finally the four friends successfully managed to go together on a trip that they planned 40 years ago.
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Old People Jokes
What fishing gear did you buy?
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Fishing Jokes Old People Jokes
This yoga pose is called...Half his pension.
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Old People Jokes Sports Jokes Boob Jokes
kill markings
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Old People Jokes Car and driving jokes
Кийт Ричардс и Адам и Ева
Keith Richards with Adam and Eve
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Old People Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
Най-накрая излизам с моята приятелка този уикенд. Няма нищо лошо в това млади момчета да излизат с по-възрастни жени, ама чак да ги изравяте ...
Finally going out with my Boo this weekend. Nothing wrong with young guys dating older women, but please don't dig them
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Old People Jokes Gross Jokes Dating Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
A cause d'abrutis comme lui, ils vont finir par nous passer l'âge de la retraite à 80 ans ! Заради такива като тоя ще вдигнат пенсионната възраст на 80
Because of idiots like him, they'll end up raising our retirement age to 80!
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Retirement Jokes Old People Jokes
You like the shirt with the writing on it, but you don’t know what it says.
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Old People Jokes
Ей такава ще съм като остарея
An actual picture of me in the future
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Old People Jokes
Баща ми не намираше Google Chrome, затова направих това: Mi padre no encontraba Google Chrome, así que hice esto: Мой отец не мог найти Google Chrome, поэтому я сделал вот это: Mein Vater konnte Google Chrome niсhт finden, also habe ich das gemacht: Mon père ne trouvait pas Google Chrome, alors j'ai fait ça : Ο πατέρας μου δεν έβρισκε το Google Chrome, οπότε έκανα αυτό: Mio padre non trovava Google Chrome, così hо fatto questo: Babam Google Chrome'u bulamıyordu, ben de bunu yaptım: Мій батько не міг знайти Google Chrome, тому я зробив ось це: O meu pai não conseguia encontrar o Google Chrome, então fiz isto: Mój tata nie mógł znaleźć Google Chrome, więc zrobiłem to: Min pappa hittade inte Google Chrome, så jag gjorde det här: Mijn vader kon Google Chrome niet vinden, dus deed ik dit: Min far kunne ikke finde Google Chrome, så jeg gjorde dette: Faren min fant ikke Google Chrome, så jeg gjorde dette:
My dad couldn't find Google Chrome, so I did this:
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Movie jokes Old People Jokes
Баба: В днешно време хората мислят само за cekc. Също баба:
Grandma: All people think about is sex these days  Grandma:
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Old People Jokes
Когато Gen Z пита защо всички на старите снимки са с червени очи, им казвам, че са твърде млади, за да помнят голямото въстание на демоните от 80-те. Кога Gen Z прашува зошто сите на старите слики имаат црвени очи, им велам дека се премлади за да се сеќаваат на големото востание на демоните од 80-тите. Cuando la Gen Z pregunta por qué todos en las fotos antiguas tienen los ojos rojos, les digo que son demasiado jóvenes para recordar el gran levantamiento de los demonios de los años 80. Когда зумеры спрашивают, почему на старых фото у всех красные глаза, я говорю им, что они слишком молоды, чтобы помнить великое восстание демонов 80-х. Wenn die Gen Z fragt, warum alle auf alten Fotos rote Augen haben, sage ich ihnen, dass sie zu jung sind, um den großen Dämonenaufstand der 80er zu erinnern. Quand la Gen Z demande pourquoi tout le monde a les yeux rouges sur les vieilles photos, je leur dis qu’ils sont trop jeunes pour se souvenir de la grande révolte des démons des années 80. Όταν η Gen Z ρωτά γιατί όλοι στις παλιές φωτογραφίες έχουν κόκκινα μάτια, τους λέω ότι είναι πολύ μικροί για να θυμούνται τη μεγάλη εξέγερση των δαιμόνων της δεκαετίας του ’80. Quando la Gen Z chiede perché tutti nelle vecchie foto hanno gli occhi rossi, dico che sono troppo giovani per ricordare la grande rivolta dei demoni degli anni ’80. Gen Z soruyor: “Eski fotoğraflarda neden herkesin gözleri kırmızı?” Ben de onlara diyorum ki: “80’lerin büyük iblis ayaklanmasını hatırlayamayacak kadar gençsiniz.” Коли Gen Z питає, чому на старих фото в усіх червоні очі, я кажу їм, що вони надто молоді, щоб пам’ятати велике повстання демонів 80-х. Quando a Geração Z pergunta por que todo mundo nas fotos antigas tem os olhos vermelhos, eu digo que eles são jovens demais para lembrar a grande revolta dos demônios dos anos 80. Kiedy Gen Z pyta, czemu wszyscy na starych zdjęciach mają czerwone oczy, mówię im, że są za młodzi, żeby pamiętać wielkie powstanie demonów z lat 80. När Gen Z frågar varför alla på gamla foton har röda ögon, säger jag att de är för unga för att minnas den stora demonupproret på 80-talet. Als Gen Z vraagt waarom iedereen op oude foto’s rode ogen heeft, zeg ik dat ze te jong zijn om de grote demonenopstand van de jaren 80 te herinneren. Når Gen Z spørger, hvorfor alle på gamle fotos har røde øjne, siger jeg, at de er for unge til at huske det store dæmonoprør i 80’erne. Når Gen Z spør hvorfor alle på gamle bilder har røde øyne, sier jeg at de er for unge til å huske det store demonopprøret på 80-tallet. Kun Gen Z kysyy, miksi kaikilla vanhoissa kuvissa on punaiset silmät, sanon, että he ovat liian nuoria muistamaan suuren demonikapinan 80-luvulla. Amikor a Gen Z megkérdezi, miért vörös a szem mindenkin a régi fotókon, azt mondom nekik, túl fiatalok, hogy emlékezzenek a ’80-as évek nagy démonlázadására. Când Gen Z întreabă de ce toată lumea din pozele vechi are ochii roșii, le spun că sunt prea tineri ca să își amintească marea răscoală a demonilor din anii ’80. Když se Gen Z ptá, proč mají všichni na starých fotkách červené oči, říkám jim, že jsou příliš mladí na to, aby si pamatovali velké povstání démonů z osmdesátek. Kai Gen Z klausia, kodėl visi senose nuotraukose turi raudonas akis, sakau jiems, kad jie per jauni prisiminti didį demonų sukilimą 80-ųjų. Kad Gen Z jautā, kāpēc visiem vecajās fotogrāfijās ir sarkanas acis, es saku, ka viņi ir pārāk jauni, lai atcerētos lielo dēmonu sacelšanos 80. gados. Kad Gen Z pita zašto svi na starim slikama imaju crvene oči, kažem im da su premladi da pamte veliko ustajanje demona iz ’80-ih.
When Gen Z asks why everyone in old photos has red eyes, I tell them they’re too young to remember the great demon uprising of the 1980s.
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Old People Jokes
Знаеш, че си остарял, когато видиш, че преносимите CD плейъри вече са изложени в музей. On sait que l'on a vieilli quand on voit que les lecteurs cd portables sont déjà exposés dans un musée.
You know you've got old when you see that portable cd players are already on display in a museum.
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Old People Jokes
Vu que je commence à prendre de l'âge mon docteur m'a recommandé d'installer des bars dans ma salle de bains
As I'm getting older, my doctor recommended installing bars in my bathroom.
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes
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