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Dating Jokes

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When you arrive on a first date and there are some major red flags
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Dating Jokes
Най-накрая излизам с моята приятелка този уикенд. Няма нищо лошо в това млади момчета да излизат с по-възрастни жени, ама чак да ги изравяте ...
Finally going out with my Boo this weekend. Nothing wrong with young guys dating older women, but please don't dig them
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Old People Jokes Gross Jokes Dating Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
My snooty new girlfriend dumped me after one date just because the table I’d reserved was too close to the toilet.
She wouldn’t even stay to finish her Big Mac.
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Dating Jokes
We were out having dinner when my girlfriend said “We’ve been living together for three years now and you still haven’t popped the question”
“Good point, when are you moving out?” I asked.
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Dating Jokes
After dating for 2 months she wanted to meet my parents.
I said baby chill…I waited 9 months to meet my own.
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Dating Jokes
No matter what they did to you to make you hate them, you just can’t forget about someone that was good in bed.
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Dating Jokes
I was wheeling my trash trolley to the curb (before 6AM) and it struck me…
My garbage bin goes out more than I do.
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Dating Jokes
I said to my mate, “You should treat your girlfriend the same way you treat your mobile phone.”
He said, “What, take good care of her, and never lose her.”
I said, “No, upgrade every couple of years.”
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Dating Jokes
I’m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend.
Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
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Dating Jokes
Who else’s heart skips for a split second when your girlfriend asks to use your computer?
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Dating Jokes
I got talking to my date about palm reading earlier:
“You can tell a lot about a person from their hand,” I said.
“What can you tell about me?’ she replied.
“You’re a very confident, very warm person,” I smiled.
“Really, how can you tell?”
“Your hand’s on my соск.”
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Dating Jokes
“I’ve got a boyfriend,” is a girl’s way of saying fuск off and leave me alone.
“I’ve got a girlfriend,” is a boy’s way of proposing a тhrееsоме.
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Dating Jokes
A boy and a girl are driving through the countryside one evening and suddenly the car stops.
“Oh Dear” days the boy sarcastically, “we’ve run out of petrol, I’m just going for a рее behind the car”
Fearing that this is a plan to get her in the back seat, the girl gets out and walks round to the petrol cap, she smells it to see if there’s any petrol, but she can’t smell anything so she lights a match to have a look. ВАNG!!
They’re both blown into the bushes, “Oh No!” she screams, “You’d better find my handbag, its got my purse in it”.
“Fсuк your purse!” shouts the boy, “You’d better find my hand, its got my рriск in it!”
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Dating Jokes
A girl suggested I set up a double date to make our first time out less awkward, I hope she likes my parents.
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Dating Jokes
I hate breakups. …
…
Especially when they try to let you down gently. “It’s not you, it’s me” … “I just need some space” … “We can still be cousins”.
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Dating Jokes
I always order oysters on a first date.
It gives me a good idea on whether she spits or swallows.
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Dating Jokes
On the perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice?
So… Can I come inside?
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Dating Jokes
I’ve just seen someone update their status on Facebook to “I Wish Every Guy Was Like Jack From The Titanic”.
What… Dead at the bottom of the ocean?
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Facebook Jokes Dating Jokes
George and Nancy were a week away from their wedding day. George was beginning to get major stirrings so he decided to chance his arm.
“Nancy, as it is only a week to the big day, how’s about a quick sсrеw?” said George.
Nancy’s answer as expected was, “No George, it’s only 6 days to go, however you can have a look at your prize.”
The next night George again pesters Nancy.
Being an understanding sort, Nancy gives in and says, “It is still 5 days to go and as you’ve been a good fellow, I’ll let you have a little feel of your prize.”
It only makes matters worse for George and by the next night he can hardly contain himself.
Seeing his obvious predicament Nancy greets George and whispers in his ear, “I can see what your problem is but you’ve still got 4 days to go. I will however let you have a good sniff of your prize.”
Not being bashful, George lifts Nancy’s skirts and sniffs.
After a minute he comes up for air, “Nancy, do you think it will keep ’till Saturday?!?”
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Dating Jokes
My girlfriend loves me wearing her раnтiеs.
She doesn’t know I do it, but I know she really enjoys thinking she’s lost weight when she puts them on after I’ve been using them.
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Dating Jokes
I broke up with my girlfriend because I am gаy …
…
She got really mad, and sent me a picture of her suскing some dude’s соск. I said to her, “I didn’t know you knew Kevin!”
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Dating Jokes
The ladies call me Subway …
…
Because my meat isn’t very good and I lie about being 6 inches.
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Dating Jokes
There are plenty of fish in the sea. Sometimes you just need a really big fishing rod.
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Dating Jokes
10 qualities of a perfect girlfriend:
1. Truthful
2. Intelligent
3. Gentle
4. Humble
5. Tolerant
6. Polite
7. Understanding
8. Sexy
9. Smart
10. Young
In short:
- T. I. G. H. T. P. U. S. S. Y
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Dating Jokes
I was on a date with this really attractive girl. Well, it wasn’t a date, date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie.
Then the plane landed.
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Dating Jokes
As another dull month closes out, and I pull the garbage to the curb, I facepalmed myself with the realization that my wheelie-bin goes out more than I do.
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Dating Jokes
My girlfriend has no interest in my personality, has no desire to ever get to know the ‘real’ me and her only goal in life is to suск me dry of all my воdily fluids.
I think I love her.
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Dating Jokes
A year ago, on our engagement anniversary, my fiancée bought me a lottery ticket… I won £5.3 million. …
…
I wonder what she’s doing these days.
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Dating Jokes
Boy says this to girl:
-
. . .
Boy: No word can describe how beautiful you are …
Girl: Awwwww …
. . .
Boy: But a number can: 2/10
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Dating Jokes
My girlfriend’s been trying to help me with my finances.
I think I’d be better off a loan.
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Dating Jokes
Two girls boasting about their boyfriends.
“Jack’s unbelievable,” said the first girl. “He walks right up to me and puts it straight in.”
“That’s nothing,” said the second girl.
“Bob puts it in and then walks straight up to me!”
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Dating Jokes
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our рuвеs.
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Dating Jokes
I’ve just started going out with some anorexic twins, two birds one stone
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Dating Jokes
I was supposed to go on a date last night, and the girl I was meeting called me this morning, very upset that I didn’t show up.
I said, “Sorry about that, I suffer from premature еjасulатiоn.”
“Well that’s very unfortunate,” she replied, “but if you were embarrased about something you could have turned up and explained it to me.”
“I wasn’t embarrased about it,” I explained, “I came in my pants on the way to the restaurant, and suddenly didn’t see the point in paying for your dinner.”
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Dating Jokes
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it’s considered responsible.
But if you do that with your gf, it’s called “cheating.”
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Dating Jokes
I was about to go to the cinema with my date, then I asked her, “Do you want to watch a horror?”
She said, “No, thanks. I’m afraid of ghosts. Can we watch a chick flick instead?”
I said, “Definitely not.”
She asked, “Why not?”
I replied, “I’m afraid of commitment.”
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Dating Jokes
My mate is some buddy! He found a blind date for me that had so many gaps in her teeth, it looked like her tongue was in jail.
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Dating Jokes
Guy: I'm so excited for this date. I've been saving up all week. Girl: I really don't mind splitting the bill. Guy: yeah, I'm not talking about the bill.
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