Dating Jokes

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I asked my girlfriend to marry me today. She said yes but refused to change her name.
I wanted to call her Tracy so I didn’t have to get my tattoo removed.

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Dating Jokes

Spooning:
For girls - Cute, Warm and straight to sleep….
For Boys - Face full of hair, make up all over new top, dead arm and an awkward воnеr.

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Dating Jokes

I just broke up with this cross-eyed chick.
I thought she was seeing someone else.

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Dating Jokes

There was an unusually bitter cold spell the last few days in Minnesota and Iowa. Very unusual for this time of year.
It was so cold that my date keyed three cars with her niррlеs in the pub’s parking lot last night.
Definitely a Nip in the Air

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Dating Jokes

I tried to make it up to my girlfriend after she found out I’d cheated on her.
“Do you really think I’m going to forgive you just because you apologised and bought me flowers?” She sobbed.
It was then I realised how naive and inadequate that was.
The last time I’d bought chocolates as well.

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Dating Jokes

Successful Kisses are like Real Estate …
Location, Location, Location!

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Dating Jokes

The last time I left my girlfriend it took her two weeks to notice I was gone.
Next time I’m taking all her shoes with me.

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Dating Jokes

I call my girlfriend Durex.
Because she spends 90% of the time in my wallet

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Dating Jokes

Two hillbillies break up with each other after going out together for a few years.
“Well.” says one to the other, “I suppose we better look on the bright side of things, at least we can still be brother and sister.”

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Dating Jokes

I was sitting reading the paper this afternoon when the kitchen door flew open. Standing there was my wife, wearing hotpants, a tiny little vest top and flip-flops, carrying a small bucket of really soapy water. Looking at her i got really excited
She placed the bucket between her feet while she seductively pulled on a pair of bright pink rubber gloves. After a saucy walk to me, hips swinging like a catwalk model, she pushed my knees apart and knelt between them. She removed my belt and dragged my pants off, then pulled a small sponge from the warm soapy water.
With expert hands she lathered up my соск and вuм-hole, getting me harder and more еrест than ever before. Finally, she took me into her mouth and brought me to an оrgаsм I thought was never going to end.
I must admit though, I was really рissеd off.
I honestly thought she was about to wash the car.

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Dating Jokes

If I were to ask you out, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?

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Dating Jokes

I was woken this morning to my girlfriend sliding my boxer shorts off me.
I looked down at her between my legs and said with excitement, “But it’s not my birthday until tomorrow.”
“I know, but I wanted to surprise you,” she smiled. “And I don’t know what size boxer shorts you wear.”

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Dating Jokes

So I went to the club last night, chatted up this German chick and asked her for her number…
And you’ll never believe it! Her number is 999-999-9999!

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Dating Jokes

I hate it when my Scouse girlfriend gets changed into her pyjamas.
I don’t know if she’s going to bed or going shopping?

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Dating Jokes

My girlfriend says she is going to leave me because I keep living in the past.
Nagging вiтсh, I liked her much better when we first met.

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Dating Jokes

I asked my date if she’d ever done drugs. ….
….
“No,” she said, taking a sip of her Evian water. …
….
I quietly thought to myself, “Well, you have now.”

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Dating Jokes

I once dated a girl with multiple personalities.
They were all terrible but luckily they all had an amazing body.

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Dating Jokes

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing.
The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.
“Your оrgаn,” she replied. “It’s a bit on the small side.”
Hurt, he replied:
“It’s not used to playing in cathedrals.”

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Dating Jokes

Have you guys seen these nursing bras? The cup opens right up. You have a simple snap on the cup: cup - рооf - opens right up. Where have these been? I spent 16 years with my hand behind her back… … ‘What is that? a staple? a strap? a button? Huh? I have to tighten it to get it loose? How many fingernails did I break on those tiny hooks over the years? Need a little help?’ …
…
And she could unhook that hammock blindfolded with her hands behind her back. … Sheesh!

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Dating Jokes

A mathematician couldn’t remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2.
But he knew it was

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Math Jokes Dating Jokes