Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down next to him. Joe tells the bartender, “I'll take a large вееr.”
The bartender says, “Do you want dry вееr with no aftertaste, or brewed вееr with aftertaste?”
Joe thinks about this for a minute. “Ah, give me the brewed.” So the bartender gives it to him and he chugs it.
“No, no,” says Al, “think manly! I'll have a dry вееr.” The bartender goes to fix it.
“Why the dry?” Joe asks.
“Well,” says Al, “that way you can have one sip, and since it has no aftertaste, you can keep on drinking and forget you just had one!”

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes

It's just like the movie, 'Sideways' -- they'll drive to the vineyard, drink and drive, and there were no cops anywhere. I'm like, 'That's how you get away with it? I gotta try that in Chicago.' 'You been drinking tonight, sir?' 'No, just tasting. I got some cheese and crackers in the back.'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

How many stoners does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Zero, the only way a stoner would get off his lazy а$$ and change a light bulb is if he thought he hid his stash in the socket.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

You ever been telling a story in front of a group of people, and you realize right at the end of the story, it's a really sucky story? So to make it better, you lie at the end, you know? Spice it up a little bit:
'Yeah, so we're waiting there, and Alex shows up 45 minutes late, and he doesn't have the keys -- and then his head blew up.'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

My uncle's actually from Brooklyn, New York. He has a thick New York accent. Like instead of saying, 'What time is it?,' he'll say, 'Get outta here -- I'm drunк.'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

By round of applause, how many people in here know somebody that smokes wееd? I don't have a joke for that, I'm just trying to find a connection.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

I'm a former hippie; I did drugs back when they were healthy. The only time I ever did LSD was at Disney World. I didn't go there -- it came to me. I was Snow White.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

I got pulled over recently, and I was hammered. The cop was like, 'Where are you headed tonight?' I was like, 'Uh, to jail?'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

There is a accordion player driving home from a late night gig. Feeling tired, he pulls into a local store for some coffee. While waiting to pay, he remembers that he locked his car doors but left the accordion in plain view on the back seat of his car! He rushes out only to realize that he is too late. The back window of his car was smashed and somebody had already thrown in two more accordions.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Coffee Jokes

Everybody loves рот brownies. But I bring crystal метh cupcakes to a party, suddenly I'm the wеirdо.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

You ever let someone call you the wrong name 'cause you just don't feel like correcting them? And six months later, you finally tell them? You're like, 'You know my name isn't John. It's Tom.' They're like, 'Why didn't you tell me that in the beginning?' 'Yeah, I wasn't planning on knowing you this long.'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

For people that don't smoke рот, there's very little difference in behavior between when you're sтоnеd and when you're not. Really there's only one difference: when you're sтоnеd, you forget to say, 'Excuse me, I'm about to change the subject.'

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

You know that show 'Remember the 80s?' I'm glad they made it 'cause I forgot half the сrар that I did.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

You want a real survivor show -- put Robert Downey Jr., Michael Irvin and Darryl Strawberry in a сrаск house with one rock.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

When I die, bury me deep.
Plant some rееfеr at my feet.
Place some papers in my hand.
I'll roll my way to the promised land.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

I smoke рот sometimes every day.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

I had to quit drinking; I kept waking up in Utah.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

I don't know what's more embarrassing in this country, that Michael Phelps fell from the graces for smoking marijuana or that you looked up to a swimmer in the first place? Are you out of your mind? Swimming -- you mean that thing you instinctively do before you die?

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes