Funny Quotes

Newest jokes in this category

When someone says to me great minds think alike.
I just look at them and think, ‘you dirтy ваsтаrd’.

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Funny Quotes

I’m so tired,,,the Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.

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Funny Quotes

Ever accidentally throw something away and then later realize you actually needed it? Haha. I did this with my life.

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Funny Quotes

Customer review of his local sреrм bank:
“One Star. Worst place for frozen yogurt. 0/10, will not have my child’s birthday party here next year.”

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Funny Quotes Banker Jokes

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream ?” ~ George Carlin

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Funny Quotes

I’m thinking of starting a nationwide chain of sреrм banks. (You know, those banks that take deposits and the customer loses interest.) .. I have my business model ready and a snazzy name. …
…
I’ll be calling each bank …”Get a load of this guy.”

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Funny Quotes Banker Jokes

“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how sтuрid they are or how superior I am to them.”
Steve Martin

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Funny Quotes

When a girl describes herself as “not like other girls”, I just assume she doesn’t have a vаginа.

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Funny Quotes

I don’t understand why people have to “get ready” for bed….I’m always ready for bed.

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Funny Quotes

“Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head.”
- John. F. Kennedy

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Funny Quotes

Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you’re hot.

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Funny Quotes

Originality is the art of concealing your source

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Funny Quotes

You call it lazy, I call it selective participation.

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Funny Quotes

When told the reason for daylight savings time the Old Indian said, “Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket.”

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Funny Quotes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

I’m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for роrn.

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Funny Quotes

“If you think women are the weaker sеx, try pulling the blanket back to your side.”
-
Stuart Turner“

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Funny Quotes

“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
-
Tim VineI

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Funny Quotes

I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
Cindy from Marzahn

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Funny Quotes

Short and funny quotes | Humorous comedy joke.

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Funny Quotes

“Everybody panic!”
Will Ferell

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Funny Quotes