Funny Quotes

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Karma will find you. At home, at work, at Coldplay concerts.
Chadoy Leon

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Funny Quotes

You call it lazy, I call it selective participation.

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Funny Quotes

When told the reason for daylight savings time the Old Indian said, “Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket.”

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Funny Quotes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

I’m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for роrn.

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Funny Quotes

“If you think women are the weaker sеx, try pulling the blanket back to your side.”
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Stuart Turner“

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Funny Quotes

“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
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Tim VineI

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Funny Quotes

I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
Cindy from Marzahn

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Funny Quotes

Short and funny quotes | Humorous comedy joke.

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Funny Quotes

“Everybody panic!”
Will Ferell

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Funny Quotes

Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.
Woddy Allen

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Funny Quotes

I believe there is something out there watching over us – unfortunately it's the government.
Woddy Allen

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Funny Quotes

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'see if you can вlоw this one out.'"
Jerry Seinfeld

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Funny Quotes

I have an intense desire to return to the wомв. Anybody's.
Woddy Allen

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Funny Quotes

Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard

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Pet Jokes Dog jokes Funny Quotes

“They say the dog is man's best friend.
I don't believe that.
How many of your friends have you neutered?”
- Larry Reeb

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Pet Jokes Funny Quotes Dog jokes

“Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
—George Carlin

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Funny Quotes

If you want to кill a big dream, tell it to small minded people.

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Funny Quotes

“One beautiful heart is better than thousand beautiful faces.”
William Shakespeare

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Funny Quotes

“Never underestimate the power of sтuрid people in a large group.”
George Calin

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Funny Quotes

“A slаvе is one who waits for someone to come and free him.”
Ezra Pound.

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Funny Quotes

“Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.”
Alejandro Jodorowksy

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Funny Quotes

“If the truth shall kilI them, let them dié.”
Immanuel Kant

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Funny Quotes

“No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.”
Plato

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Funny Quotes

My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

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Marriage and Family Jokes Funny Quotes

- ”The opinion of 10,000 men is of no value if none of them knows anything about the subject.”
Marcus Aurelius

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Funny Quotes

When stupidity is considered patriotism, it is unsafe to be intelligent.
- Issac Asimov

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Funny Quotes