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Funny Quotes

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Originality is the art of concealing your source
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Funny Quotes
‘During sеx, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.
Just the other night she called me from a hotel.’
Rodney Dangerfield
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Sex Jokes Hotel Jokes Funny Quotes
Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you’re hot.
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Funny Quotes
“Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head.”
- John. F. Kennedy
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Funny Quotes
I don’t understand why people have to “get ready” for bed….I’m always ready for bed.
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Funny Quotes
When a girl describes herself as “not like other girls”, I just assume she doesn’t have a vаginа.
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Funny Quotes
“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how sтuрid they are or how superior I am to them.”
Steve Martin
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Funny Quotes
I’m thinking of starting a nationwide chain of sреrм banks. (You know, those banks that take deposits and the customer loses interest.) .. I have my business model ready and a snazzy name. …
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I’ll be calling each bank …”Get a load of this guy.”
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Funny Quotes Banker Jokes
“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream ?” ~ George Carlin
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Funny Quotes
Customer review of his local sреrм bank:
“One Star. Worst place for frozen yogurt. 0/10, will not have my child’s birthday party here next year.”
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Funny Quotes Banker Jokes
Ever accidentally throw something away and then later realize you actually needed it? Haha. I did this with my life.
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Funny Quotes
I’m so tired,,,the Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.
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Funny Quotes
When someone says to me great minds think alike.
I just look at them and think, ‘you dirтy ваsтаrd’.
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Funny Quotes
You don’t know how much some one is worth to you until you sell them.
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Funny Quotes
“There’s something I like about the сliтоris, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.” ~ George Carlin
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Funny Quotes
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to роор as soon as you get out of the shower.
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Funny Quotes
Some days, I feel like I’m surrounded by idiots.
Other days, I realize it’s not just some days.
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Funny Quotes
Happiness is like peeing in your pants … …
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Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth
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Love Jokes Funny Quotes
So this dude walks into an ice cream shop and he asks the clerk, ‘hello sir may I have a quart of vanilla?’ …
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The clerk politely responds, ‘I’m sorry we’re fresh out of vanilla.’ …
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The man clearly disappointed says, ‘ah shucks, alright, I guess I’ll just take a pint of vanilla.’
The clerk, slightly agitated, states, ‘Sir we are completely out of vanilla. I don’t have anymore.’
The man lets out a sigh and says, ‘OK, OK, fine. I’ll just take a cone of vanilla.’
The clerk gives him a blank stare for a moment and says ‘sir spell the straw in strawberry.’
‘S-T-R-A-W.’
‘Spell the choc in chocolate.’
‘C-H-O-C.’
‘Ok now spell the freak in vanilla.’
‘But there’s no freak in vanilla.’
‘THATS WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU! … THERE’S NO FREAKIN’ VANILLA!’
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Chocolate Jokes Men jokes Funny Quotes
I like my women like I like my farts..
Silent, so they don’t embarrass me in public.
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Jokes about Women Funny Quotes
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