Funny Quotes

Newest jokes in this category
1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer).
2. (On the difference between men and women:) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." - Bruce Willis
3. "And God said: 'Let there be Sатаn, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Sатаn.'" - George Burns
4. "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" - Sandra Bullock
5. "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sеxuаl mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sеx with goats that are on fire' and the computer will ask, 'Specify type of goat.'" -Jason Alexander (from Seinfeld)
6. "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." -Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner 1996)
7. "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." - Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
8. "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." - Dan Rather (News anchorman)
9. "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" - Arnold Schwarzenegger
10. "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." - Courtney Соx (Monica on "Friends")
11. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods
12. "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
13. "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
14. "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gаy dungeon-master." - Rev. Jesse Jackson
15. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-вiтсh." - Jack Nicholson
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Мъже, женете се. Ако попаднете на добра и разбрана жена, ще живеете добре. Ако попаднете на лоша, ще станете философ. А това е добре за ч ...овечеството Dans tous les cas, mariez-vous : Si vous tombez sur une bonne épouse, vous serez heureux. Si vous tombez sur une mauvaise vous deviendrez philosophe, ce qui est excellent pour l'homme. Сократ, философ: - Женись несмотря ни на что. Если попадется хорошая жена, будешь счастливым, а если плохая - станешь философом. Ксантиппа, его жена: - Ты щас че сказал, козлина?! Источник:... Man sollte wirklich heiraten. Wenn man eine gute Frau bekommt, wird man glücklich. Wenn man eine schlechte Frau bekommt, wird man Philosoph. Socrates Natürlich solltest du heiraten. Wenn du eine gute Frau bekommst, wirst du glücklich. Und bei einer schlechten Frau, wirst du Philosoph. Sokrates 469 - 399 v. Christus Det lönar sig alltid att gifta sig, sa Sokrates på sin tid. - Är det en god hustru gör hon mannen lycklig. Är hustrun elak gör hon mannen till filosof. Zitat übers Heiraten: Heirate auf jeden Fall!Kriegst du eine gute Frau,wirst du glücklich.-Kriegst du eine böse,dann wirst du Philosoph. - Der Philosoph Sokrates 469 bis 399 vor Christus - Mano patarimas tau – vesk. Jei radai gerą žmoną, tu būsi laimingas. Jei ne – tapsi filosofu. (Socrates) "Съветвам ви да се ожените - ако попаднете на добра жена, ще сте щастливи. Aко не, ще станете философ." Сократ
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