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Relationship Jokes

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When thin men have sеx, it lasts less than 2 minutes. This is similar to Taylor Swift's relationship.

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New Restroom signs:
Men to the LEFT!
Ladies to the RIGHT! (Easier to remember since they are always RIGHT!)

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

My wife asked me to make her scream last night while we were in bed so I poked her in the eyes.

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Relationship Jokes

A married couple is having problems so they go to counseling. They sit down with the specialist and the wife points out the numerous problems with their marriage. After about 10 minutes, the specialist gets up, walks over to the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he tells the husband “now sir, if this happens 3 times a week your wife will feel much better about herself and your relationship.”
The man says; “well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but I go out drinking on Fridays.”

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My house cleaner is really starting to become annoying. She keeps asking me to move out and says she wants a divorce.

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Relationship Jokes

Two girlfriends were talking to each other about relationships."I put an ad in one of those singles websites looking for a boyfriend."
"What kind of guy did you say you were looking for?"
"I wanted an ambitious guy who likes to dig in to get the job done and is really down to earth. I think I found him."
"So what does he do?"
"He's a grave digger."

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Relationship Jokes

My girlfriends dad is so religious he wouldn’t let us sleep together which is a shame because he’s a really attractive man.

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(Modified from Rock-A-Bye Baby)
Hush-A-Bye Buddy
In our guest room,
It's been three weeks now
Are you leaving us soon?
We'll all miss your snoring
And carrying on,
But please won't you go back
To Boca Raton?

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Relationship Jokes

The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the nudе," she advised. "You should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked,
"Dear, has there ever been any strange traditions in your family?"
"Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?"
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

3 reasons why my wife is like a freezer.
1. She never stops making a noise.
2. She can hold a lot of food inside her.
3. It can take hours of “defrosting” to make her wet.

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I saw a little pamphlet called “The secret of a happy marriage” in the bookstore.
I wondered how such profound wisdom could be condensed into a booklet that small, and I gladly paid the asking price of 17.95 to finally master my relationship with the better half.
I opened it up and it contained one sentence:
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

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My dishwasher broke down the other day. Hopefully when I buy her some flowers tonight she will cheer up a bit.

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Relationship Jokes

fuск cheesy chat-up lines, we need better break-up lines:
Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I’ve been seeing people behind your back.
Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?
I didn’t know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that’s because this angel’s gained a little weight since we started going out.
You and me love, we’re like six ваlls in cricket. OVER!
I’m leaving you on religious grounds. I’ve decided to become a Jew, and you’re a fuскing pig.

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Religion jokes Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Wife: Would you still love me if I became fат and lost my looks.
Husband: What do you mean “if”?

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Relationship Jokes Fat Jokes

A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats, plus airfares, accommodations, etc. But he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church in New York City at 5pm. Her name's Louise. She will be the one in the white dress.
Thanks for your help!

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Relationship Jokes

I’m not saying my dad’s the jealous type, but we were never allowed to be вrеаsт fed…

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Relationship Jokes Dad Jokes

The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don't know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.

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Warning to all men: women are using date rаре drugs called вlоwjовs to lure men into scams called relationships.

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I believe the right girl for me is out there, in some corner of the earth...
But unfortunately, the earth is round.

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Relationship Jokes

Good news: I have a boyfriend. But the bad news is I'm not good in relationships. I get all jealous. I don't even like to see my boyfriend talking to his wife.

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