Relationship Jokes

Me and my wife met on the net… We were both trapeze artists.

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Relationship Jokes

Me and my parents have always had a difficult relationship. At dinner when we used to have alphabet spaghetti they used to spell ‘fuск off’ on my plate.

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Relationship Jokes

Can’t believe how thirsty my Grandma is. Just drove past her house and she’s got about 10 pints of milk on her doorstep.

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Relationship Jokes

A wife was sitting peacefully in her cozy armchair sewing her husband’s socks. Her husband came in to the room and glanced at what she was doing, and started badgering, “HONEY be more careful! PLEASE WATCH WHAT YOU ARE DOING! You don’t wan’t to poke YOUR finger! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! Don’t look up when YOUR’E SEWING! There you go now slow and steady, nice even stitches."
The wife puts down the needle and thread, looks up at her husband, and says, “What the hеll is wrong with you? Do you know how many times I’ve sewn socks before?!"
“EXACTLY THE POINT I WAS TRYING TO GET AT,” hollered the husband, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE?!"

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Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend asked me to take her to the zoo yesterday. I told her if they want to collect her they know where she lives.

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Relationship Jokes

I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself. I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo.
"Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said.
"But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained.
"Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for."

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Relationship Jokes

"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband."
"Oh, everything went wrong! First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait. And then he said that I was reeling in too soon."
"That doesn't sound nice or relaxing."
"All that might have been all right, but to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish."

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Relationship Jokes

Q. How do you know if your wife is on drugs?
A. She suddenly becomes a pleasant person.

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Relationship Jokes

Four words men hate during sеx.
“Is it in yet!”
Four words women hate during sеx.
“Hey honey I’m home!”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

My mom always used to say “If you haven’t got anything nice to say then you can go fuск yourself”.

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Relationship Jokes

Last night my girlfriend asked me to name all the women I’ve slept with. I probably should have stopped when I got to her.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Why do brides wear white?
So the dishwasher matches the refrigerator.

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Relationship Jokes

Brian and Dave were drinking down at the pub. Brian turned to his mate and said, “The thrill is gone from my marriage. What should I do?”
Dave thought for a moment and replied, “Why not add some spice and intrigue to your relationship by having an affair?”
“What if my вlооdy wife finds out?” Brian cried.
“Just be honest with her and tell her how you feel,” suggested Dave.
So Brian went home to his wife that evening and sat her down to have a talk. He said, “Honey, I love you very much but I think we’re sort of stuck in a rut. I think maybe if I have an affair, it will bring us closer together.”
“I doubt it,” she replied calmly. “I tried it last week and it didn’t fсuкing work.”

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

My wife made me dress up as a policeman last night. I really didn’t feel like going into work but apparently my sergeant called and threatened disciplinary action if I didn’t turn up.

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Relationship Jokes

While out for dinner with my girlfriend, she started one of those "let's be honest with each other" conversations women are good at.
"I want us to be totally honest with each other," she said. "I really wish you would change."
"No problem!" I replied. "How about I change into your ex-boyfriend?"

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Last night my girlfriend told me I have the body of a god. Unfortunately that God was Bhudda.

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God Jokes Relationship Jokes

Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P. S. Congratulations on winning last week's Powerball lottery.

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Relationship Jokes

I have felt run-down for over a month, so I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. I told him my symptoms: Listless, depressed, no girlfriend, no dates, frustrated, no goal in life. The only bright spot in my life was waking up with “morning wood.”
My doctor took notes and I gave his office a urinе sample and I went to the blood center to give a blood sample.
I just got a call from him. I have a common Hawaiian disease. He said the cure was to get myself into a steady relationship with an understanding girlfriend.
“What is that Hawaiian disease called, doc?” I asked.
“It’s called ‘Lackanookie’.”

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend told me this morning she doesn’t trust me.
I guess that’s one more thing she has in common with my wife.

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Relationship Jokes

Two magnets were having a conversation. "I went on a blind date yesterday"
"Oh really…how did it go?"
"Unfortunately, not so well."
"Why not?"
"There was no attraction."

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Relationship Jokes