Relationship Jokes

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Three Rules of Marriage to avoid disaster.
1. Never come home at 4am and ask for breakfast.
2. Never leave the toilet seat up.
3. Wife is never wrong.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

They say opposites attract, try telling that to my short ugly girlfriend.

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Relationship Jokes

My wife hates sеx so much her favorite position is back to back.

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

The only time I hear my wife say “I’m coming” is when I’m holding the elevator door.

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Relationship Jokes

When you're first in love, you cannot sleep close enough to that person you're in love with. At the beginning of the relationship, you're like, 'Come here, honey. Let's stay like this forever.' A short five years later, my wife is laying on my arm for 10 seconds too long, I'm like, 'Owwww. Get off my arm, man.'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

I'm in a relationship right now, you know, crossing my fingers. The relationship is great; the sеx is great. My friends said, 'Whoa, you've had sеx out of wedlock?' I said, 'Oh no, she's married.'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

To get away from their high-stress jobs, a couple enjoyed spending weekends relaxing in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, their came up with a plan to assure themselves some privacy. When they set up camp, they placed this sign on the door of their RV:
“Insurance Agent. Ask about our term life package”

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Relationship Jokes

Q. Why do women have small feet?
A. So it’s easier for them to stand next to the kitchen sink.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.

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One-Liner Jokes Relationship Jokes

Why are women like condoms?
The both spend about 90% of the time in your wallet and 10% of the time on your cock

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

Wanting to have a quick love-making session, the couple told their 8-year-old son to go stand on the balcony with a popsicle and to report to them all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into action.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving... and Jason is on his skate board." A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sеx."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sеx?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle too."

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Dad Jokes

Can’t believe how кinкy my wife is, she loves it in the ear. Everytime I put it near her face she turns her head to the side.

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Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between an unemployed husband and his wife.
Husband: Today I’m gonna take you out for a meal.
Wife: Wow, did you manage to find a job?
Husband: No, I lost the house playing poker.

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Relationship Jokes

Threw a lemon into my friends face as a joke last week, he’s quite bitter about it.

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Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

What’s the difference between a whоrе and a wife?
A wife accepts credit cards.

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Relationship Jokes

To make sure I won't be late for work, my girlfriend calls me on the phone every morning to wake me up.
Wouldn't it be easier for her to just lean over, start shaking me, and yell, 'HEY! WAKE UP!'?

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Office and Work Jokes Relationship Jokes

After having a great time with his girlfriend, a young man saw a guy’s photo in her bag and asked,
"Is he your ex?"
The girlfriend kissed him and said,
"No dear, that's me before surgery."

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife.
Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars.
Husband: Yeah that’s true. Wars require strategy, planning and logic.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

At the Super Bowl party, Ken overheard two wives talking about their husbands and men in general. Then he heard the best quote ever from one of them....
"The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most complicated things that every guy understands, no matter how dumb he is."

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Item in the "Cyclops Dating for Dummies" book: Never date a cyclops much shorter than you.
Why?
You'll never see eye to eye on anything.

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Relationship Jokes

Today my wife told me that I need to be more spontaneous so I punched her in the throat.

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Relationship Jokes

My wife and I are in what you would call a love-hate relationship.
“She loves me, I hate her”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Relationship Jokes

Sign up entering a resturant:
NO, we do not have WIFI... TALK TO EACH OTHER!

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Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend said she wanted to watch Jeremy Kyle live in person so I shagged her sister and got her pregnant.

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Relationship Jokes

My wife - Beautiful, kindhearted, great sense of humor… at least one of those things would have been nice.

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Relationship Jokes

It’s my wife’s birthday today so I’ve decided to get her a pair of slippers and a dildо. If she doesn’t like the slippers she can go fuск herself.

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Relationship Jokes

Scientists in Japan have just invest a new camera with a shutter speed that is so fast that they claim they can actually photograph a women with her mouth closed.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Соw Disease. “Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?”
“Sure. Do you know the bulls only sсrеw the cows once a year?”
“Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what’s the relationship between this and Mad Соw?”
“And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?”
“Mr. Brown, that’s interesting, but, what’s the point?”
“Lady, the point is this: if I’m playing with your тiтs twice a day, but only fсuкing you once a year, wouldn’t you go fсuкing mad, too?”

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