Relationship Jokes

My wife created a website earlier today to give advice to people who are victims of domestic abuse. She’s had 50 hits today already.

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Relationship Jokes

Why do cannibals not like divorced women?
Because they’re bitter.

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.
"And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said,
"Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said,
"But your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."
"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife whilst in the bedroom.
Wife: What do you like best my face or my sеxy body?
Husband: Your sense of humor.

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Relationship Jokes

When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels.
"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do."
"You're right it wasn't!" Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had, the ones we got from the hotel while we were on vacation."

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes Hotel Jokes

Women have many faults, men only have two... everything they say and everything they do.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes

My girlfriend left me because I’m too insecure.
No wait, she’s back.
She just went to make a cup of coffee.

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Relationship Jokes

I'm trying to plan a party for my girlfriend, but I can't seem to find any party hats, or a girlfriend.

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Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place at the vets.
Man: Do you sell horse tranquilizers?
Vet: Why do you ask?
Man: My wife keeps waking up.

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Some people say love is the key to happiness but it’s a lie…
It’s вееr.

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Relationship Jokes

"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife at the dinner table.
Wife: Can I have $20’000 to get some вrеаsт implants to make them вiggеr.
Husband: Why don’t you just rub toilet paper on your niррlеs.
Wife: Does that really work?
Husband: Well it seems to have worked on your аss.

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Office and Work Jokes Relationship Jokes

I get no respect with my wife. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

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Relationship Jokes

Just got a really big response to my advert on the internet saying ‘Wife wanted’. In about 2hrs I had over 300 emails saying ‘you can have mine’.

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Relationship Jokes Internet Jokes

My wife left me for a weather man. She’ll be мisт.

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

My friend doesn’t trust me. I told him he could borrow my Microsoft Office 2003 but he said my word wasn’t good enough.

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Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

Why are men are like Ceramic Tiles?
Because if you lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Can’t believe how weird my wife is. Every time we have a conversation she always starts with “Did you hear what I just said?”

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Relationship Jokes

Ron was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends were already married while Ron just bounced from one relationship to the next.
Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Ron replied. "I meet a lot of nice women, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find one who's just like your dear ol' Mother?"
Many weeks passed before Ron and his friend crossed paths again.
"So Ron. Did you find the perfect woman yet? One that's just like your Mother?"
Ron shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends."
"Excellent!!! So... Are you and this girl engaged yet?"
"I'm afraid not," Ron replied, "My Father can't stand her!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

Wife: How many women have you slept with?
Me: Only you, I was too busy to sleep while shаgging the other women!
Wife: Right, pack your bags I want you out!
Me: That’s fine.
Wife: I hope you have a slow and painful death!
Me: I’m confused, does that mean you want me to stay now?

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes