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Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our church's children's chapel on Sundays before the eleven o'clock service. One Sunday, the subject was the Twenty-third Psalm.
The minister told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and needed lots of guidance, and that a shepherd's job was to stay close to the sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering off and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed. He pointed to the little children in the room and said that they were the sheep and needed lots of guidance.
Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a dramatic gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children, "If you are the sheep, then who is the shepherd?"
He was expecting the kids to refer to him. A silence of a few seconds followed. Then a young visitor said,
" Jesus, Jesus is the shepherd."
The young minister, caught somewhat off-guard, said to the boy, "Well, then, and who am I?"
The little boy frowned thoughtfully and then said with a shrug, "I guess you must be a sheep dog."
A priest was called away for an emergency.  Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.  The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional.
A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
The priest asks “What did you do?”
The woman says, “I committed adultery.”
Priest:
“How many times?”
Woman:
“Three times.”
Priest:
“Say two Hail Mary’s, put five dollars in the box and go and sin no more.”  A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.
He says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Priest:
“What did you do?”
Man:
“I committed adultery.”
Priest:
- ”How many times?”
Man:
“Three times.”
Priest:
“Say two Hail Mary’s, put five dollars in the box and go and sin no more.”
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and says, “Father forgive me for I have sinned.”
Rabbi:
“What did you do?”
Woman:
“I committed adultery.”
Rabbi:
“How many times?”
Woman:
“Once.”
Rabbi:
“Go do it two more times.  We have a special this week, three for five dollars.”
Father Pedro was called to a house to attempt to expel an evil spirit from an elderly woman. He brought an assistant pastor to help with the procedure. The woman's daughter answered the door and motioned to where her mother was sitting. The Father walked over to the woman, waved a cross, and shouted, "Out, demon!"
He then tore off his robe, revealing running shoes and jogging shorts. Then, he rushed out the door and ran a quick mile around the block. Returning to the house and donning his robe, he went over to the woman and shouted, "Out, you filthy devil!"
And again, after removing his priest's outfit, he was out the door to run another mile. The old woman's daughter was confused about the priest's behavior and asked the assistantpastor, "What in the world is going on here?"
To which the pastor answered, "Oh, that's just the way Father Pedro exorcises!"
A group on nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it.
Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son-of-a-вiтсh,” he yelled.
The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn’t use such language.”
“Sorry, Sister”, he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. “Son-of-a-вiтсh”, he yelled again.
“Please, don’t use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn’t help us.”
“But I get so upset, and it just comes out.”
“Well,” said the nun, “say something else when you get upset, something like ‘Sweet Jesus, help me.”
So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped. He started to say “So..”, but he corrected himself and said, “Sweet Jesus help me.” At that, the car just lifted up into the air by itself.
The nuns looked at the car and said, “Son-of-a-вiтсh!”
A Jewish woman entered a hotel. There was a sign that read:
“Pets welcome, Jews not welcome”.
Undaunted by this the Jewish lady Mrs. Rosenburg, asked the hotel owner for a room please.
The innkeeper said, “Sorry we have no vacancies.” Mrs. Rosenburg replied, “The sign says VACANCIES right there!”
The innkeeper said, “Mrs. Rosenburg, you know we don’t allow Jews here.”
Mrs. Rosenburg repiled, “I will have you know I have converted to your religion.”
The innkeeper said, ‘Oh really. Then tell me how JESUS was born?”
Mrs. Rosenburg replied, “He was born of the virgin Mary in a small town of Bethlehem in a manger.
The innkeeper said, “That’s right and why was he born in a manger?”
Mrs Rosenburg slammed her fists on the counter and shouted, “BECAUSE SOME ВLООDУ SORRY АSS OF AN INNKEEPER REFUSED TO GIVE A JEWISH LADY A F**KING ROOM”