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Вицове за Религия Religion jokes Himmel-und-Hölle-Witze Chistes de religión Анекдоты про Религию Blagues sur la religion Barzellette su Preti, Frati, Monaci e Suore Θρησκευτικά ανέκδοτα Верски вицеви Dini Fıkralar Анекдоти про релігію Piadas de Religião Dowcipy religijne Religiösa skämt Religie moppen Vittigheder om Religion Religiøse vitser Uskontovitsit Vallásos viccek Bancuri religioase Vtipy o náboženství Religiniai anekdotai Reliģiskie joki Religijski vicevi
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Religion jokes

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Q. What do atheists scream in the bedroom?
A. Big Bang
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Religion jokes
After 1300 years of praying five times a day you would think that Muslims would have eventually realised that the carpets are not going to take off, and fly.
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Religion jokes
After a very passionate sermon the preacher was standing at the door to greet the departing congregation when one very upset lady said,
"Pastor, I am very disappointed in your sermon... You said the word 'dамn'."
"Oh," said the Pastor. "I am sorry if I offended you. What did I say just before that word?"
"I don't remember," she said.
"Well, what did I say after that word?"
"I don't remember," she said.
"I guess it was good that I used that word or you would not have heard ONE WORD I said."
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Jesus: Table for twenty-six … …
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Waiter: But there are only 13 of you …
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Jesus: True, but we are all going to sit on one side of the table.
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Religion jokes
Why did Cain have no faith?
Because he wasn't Abel
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Religion jokes
It’s amazing what Muslims put themselves through just so they can get 72 virgins in heaven. It would be a lot easier if they just became Catholic priests.
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Religion jokes
What do the Pope and Jimmy Saville have in common?
They both wear lots of jewelrey.
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Religion jokes
A Texan dies and goes to Неll. Like with all new arrivals, Sатаn enjoys messing with the Texan. First, Sатаn turns the thermostat to 100 degrees with 80% humidity. Sатаn goes to check on the Texan only to become angry when he sees the Texan reclining in a lawn chair, sipping iced tea saying, "This is great! Just like Texas in June!" Sатаn decides he will turn the thermostat up to 110 degrees and 90% humidity. Sатаn, then, returns to his new Texas arrival only to see him still in his lawn chair, sipping iced tea saying, "This is even better! Just like Texas in July!" Sатаn is becoming more angry so he decides he will move the thermostat to 120 degrees and 100% humidity. Once again, Sатаn returns to his new arrival only to see the Texan still in his lawn chair, sipping iced tea saying, "Oh wow! Just like Texas in August!"
By this time, Sатаn is really mad. He decides he's going to do a complete turnaround on the temperature in Неll. Sатаn turns the thermostat to well below freezing. Sатаn returns to the Texan. Sатаn is completely shocked by the Texan's reaction: The Texan is whooping and hollering, "Whoo Hoo!!! The Rangers just won the World Series!!!!"
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Religion jokes
A ten-year-old altar boy catches the priest doing a skin flute solo. …
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He says, “What are you doing father?” …
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“It’s called маsтurватing,” the priest replied. “You’ll be doing this soon.” …
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“Why father?” he asks. …
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“Because my wrist is killing me,” the priest replied.
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Religion jokes
Did you know that Adam and Eve were the first couple to not read and understand the fine print on their Apple contract?
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Religion jokes
I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my PC monitor if I leave it idle for 10 minutes.
It’s my screen saviour.
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Religion jokes
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
He wakes up as he’s being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
“Am I in heaven?” asks the disoriented priest.
“No” says one of the nurses. “We’re just taking a short cut through the children’s ward.”
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Religion jokes
When Jesus went to the bathroom for the first time as a baby, that was the first time someone said the phrase:
“Holy Сrар!”
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Religion jokes
Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nudе, in a garden while a nudе model danced before them. Each monk had a small веll attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose веll rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his веll rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he веnт down to pick up the веll, and eleven other bells began to ring……
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Religion jokes
If Noah was a Jew then why did he bring pigs with him on the boat?
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Religion jokes
“Anyone who lives his life in accordance with a book is a fool.” John 3:11
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Religion jokes
What do you call a bird of prey perched on a priest's pulpit?
An altar eagle.
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Religion jokes
During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people.
He interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, "There are two of you here who have not heard a word I've said." That quieted them down.
When the service was over, he went to greet people at the front door. Three different adults apologized for going to sleep in church, promising it would never happen again.
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I was in church the other day and in the middle of a prayer the lady next to me lit up a fаg!
I was so shocked I nearly dropped my вееr.
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Religion jokes
Q. Why did the New Zealand farmer become a Muslim?
A. Because he really loves ‘islamb.
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Religion jokes
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