Sex Jokes - Page 35

Viаgrа is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

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Once while having SЕX in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sреrм escaped and ran into the engine.
We now know this truck.... As Optimus Prime.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes

Why do men like маsтurватiоn?
It's sеx with someone they love.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room.
"Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left вrеаsт, she sighed!"
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right вrеаsт. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again:
"Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor.
"Now try оrаl sеx.
She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet.
"Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."

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Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

There was a boy watching tv with his parents.
A sеx scene comes on.
The boy asks what the people are doing.
The mom said "they were just making a cake."
The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I think you’ll find that any of my lady companions will tell you I’m a ‘five times a night man’.
I really shouldn’t drink so much tea before I go to bed.

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sеx do you ever smoke?’
Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

It’s the morning after the honeymoon.
The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’
The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’

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Sex Jokes

An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home.
They undressed and were about to sсrеw, The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.
"I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said.
The man replied, "thats good because you have the ugliest вrеаsтs I ever seen!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sеx when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.

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Sex Jokes

‘Doctor, I suffer from premature еjасulатiоn.
Can you help me?!’
‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sеx.
His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sеx maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have оrаl sеx now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Grandparent Jokes

Why do blondes need to have оrgаsмs?
So they know when to stop having sеx.

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes

Whats the definition of vаginа?
The box a реnis comes in.

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Sex Jokes

Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sеx?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

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Sex Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette. "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after their boss. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sеx with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he had a wooden d**k?
A: His hand caught on fire.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sex Jokes

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen, I ain't hоrny. I'm homesick."

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

Baby, baby, baby ooh!
Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber?
Daughter: No, I'm watching роrn.
Mom: Oh, thank goodness.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sex Jokes Music and Musician Jokes