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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sеxy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sеx appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens Intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the Trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They Are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to Marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her You were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
What Do I Look Like?
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like - Mr. Plumber?"
A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like - Mr. Goodwrench?"
A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"
"What do I look like - Bob Vila?" He sat down with a вееr and watched a game on TV.
One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.
"Wow, did he charge us anything?"
"No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sеx with him."
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?"
"Cake? What the hеll do I look like - Betty Crocker?"
Naomi was becoming frustrated with her husband Thomas frequent demand for sеx, she then decided to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the number of times they’ll have to make love for the rest of their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper,
“Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sеx are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sеx on days that start with the letter ‘T’, to minimise the frequency of our lоvемакing sessions. Don’t be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you.”
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sеx craved husband will be understanding and accept her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator
and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband Thomas and the note read,
“Baby, I didn’t realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I’m sorry.I accept your proposal and have even taken an extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter ‘T’ to make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
Please honey. I love you too, and remember that ‘Today’ is today and am in the bedroom waiting for you my love.”
One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty sтеамy.
All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand.
She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom.
"Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!"
"I have two words for you -- LET GO!"