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Sports Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Why did the ceiling fаn go to the boxing match?
For the вlоw-by-вlоw action.

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Sports Jokes

I was playing snooker with my mate, Dave, down the pub last night. We finished setting the table up and he said to me, “do you wanna break?”
“We’ve haven’t even started yet, you lazy сunт!”

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Sports Jokes

George W. Bush is scheduled to speak at the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Nervous, he asks for a teleprompter.
On the day of the speech, he takes to the podium and starts, “Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.”
An aide quickly rushes to his side and whispers, “Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is below that!”

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Sports Jokes

I had a go at rugby the other day.
I thought I was doing pretty well but all everyone kept saying was, “Nice try.”
Condescending ваsтаrds.

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Sports Jokes

My cousin has two tickets for the Super Bowl, both box seats. He paid $3,700 for each ticket. He didn’t realize when he bought the tickets that the game would be on the same day as his wedding - so now he can’t go. If you are interested and would like to go in his place, it’s at First Community Church, in Atlanta, GA, at 4 pm. Her name is Tiffany, she’s 5’3″, about 110 lbs, great cook, good looking, big rack, makes $120,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress. Serious inquiries only

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Sports Jokes

Since his release on bail Oscar Pistorious has decided to spend the weekend clay рigеоn shooting to relax. So far he’s accidentally killed 2 elephants and shot a Jeep that was on safari.

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Sports Jokes

Arsenal’s Champions League clash versus Bayern Munich reminds me of a night out I had when I got diarrhoea.
Shit over both legs.

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Sports Jokes

Pool Player #1:
"I nicknamed the cue ball on my pool table 'Itch'."
Pool Player #2:
"Why?"
Pool Player #1:
"I'm always scratching it!"

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Sports Jokes

I played golf for the first time ever this morning.
As I was about to take my first shot I noticed that there were several people in the clubhouse watching me.
“Stay calm,” I thought, putting my ball on the tee, “you’ll do fine.”
As I took the shot I could see it heading directly for them.
“Fore!” I shouted as it smashed through the window.
“Are you some sort of fuскing rетаrd? screamed a bloke.
No, it’s my first time, I replied, picking up my ball, can I have my club back please?

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Sports Jokes

My wife claims I'm a baseball fanatic. She says all I ever read about is baseball. All I ever talk about is baseball. All I ever think about is baseball.
I told her she's way off base!

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Sports Jokes

Why are Southampton nicknamed The Saints ?
Because all their players have gone to a better place .

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Sports Jokes

I sent a player off in the first minute of a match today for deliberate handball.
He said, “You haven’t got a fuскing clue what you’re doing, ref.”
I said, “That’s what they all say… right lads, scrum down.”

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Sports Jokes

Why did the home crowd scream with delight when their favorite batter got three strikes?
He just happened to be bowling at the time.

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Sports Jokes

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg...
I thought, "This could be interesting."

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Sports Jokes

After removing a tiny fish from his hook and throwing it back into the water, the fisherman said:
“Don’t show up around here anymore without your parents!”

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Sports Jokes

I’ve been banned from the local football field for causing a nasty injury in the game last night.
I don’t know why, my lawnmower clearly touched the ball before going over the player.

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Sports Jokes

Why did the golf player take an extra pair of pants when he went out on the golf course?
Just in case he got a hole in one.

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Sports Jokes

I hurt myself at crossFit today...
Now I find myself making crosses while sitting down...
I call it Cross-Sit!

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Sports Jokes

Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
Because all the fans leave.

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Sports Jokes

I heard Michael Schumacher’s former pit crew went to visit him.
They changed the wheels on his bed and drip in 5.4 seconds.

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Sports Jokes