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Sports Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Sven was just pulling his boat up on shore when Ollie wandered up with a puzzlement: …
…
Ollie: Sven! Vat cho been doin?
Sven: I bin fishin,’ Ole. Wha cho tink I bin doin with deese here rods?
Ollie: Ditcha catch anythin?
Sven: (Under his breath:
“Dumb svede.”) Of course I catch somethin. Sven alvays catches ven he fishes.
Ole: If I guess how many you catch will you gimme one o’ dem?
Sven: If you guesses how many I catch I’ll give you BOTH a dem!
Ole: I guess TREE!
Sven: Dat ain’t bad for a Svede. You only missed it by TWO!
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Sports Jokes
Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there's no atmosphere!
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Sports Jokes
Why do Canadians do it doggy style? ….
…..
So the guy has a place to rest his Molson’s вееr and Hickory Sticks and watch the hockey game.
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Sports Jokes
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."
"Because it gets late early." (On why it's so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
"If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them."
"It ain't over till it's over."
"It's deja vu all over again."
"No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded."
"We have very deep depth!"
"We made too many wrong mistakes."
"You can observe a lot by just watching."
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Sports Jokes
Mike Tyson's new slogans:
If you can't Fight Them !
Bite Them !
If you can't Beat Them !
Eat Them !
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Sports Jokes
I invented telescopic arms for snooker players…….. And the rest is history.
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Sports Jokes
We all know that the Super Bowl is the football game with the AFC champion playing the NFC champion.
There should be a Toilet Bowl where the worst team in each conference plays each other, where the winning team gets the first round draft pick and/or a plunger shaped trophy.
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Sports Jokes
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, “Why the long face?”
The horse replies, “I came first in the Olympics and they gave the medal to the тwат on my back.”
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Sports Jokes
Sports do not build character. They reveal it.
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Sports Jokes
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
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Sports Jokes
Played golf earlier today after taking LSD, it was crazy!!
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Sports Jokes
While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay thanks,” I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
She said, “Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”
I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. “That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”
“Oh, come on now ” she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. I was weak.
“Well okay,” I finally agreed, “But I’m sure my wife won’t like it.”
After a couple of Scotch and waters, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d better go now.”
“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. “Stay for a while. She won’t know anything. By the way,where is she?”
I replied, “Still under the cart, I guess”
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Sports Jokes
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
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Sports Jokes
Maria Sharapova is never gonna win another major title as long as Mike Tyson keeps putting that wig on.
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Sports Jokes
Did you hear the latest story about some major tennis players being involved in witchcraft?? Goran, even he’s a witch.
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Sports Jokes
What do Manchester United and Richard the Third have in common?
They both got buried in Leicester
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Sports Jokes
What's your handicap these days?" one golfer asked another.
"I'm a scratch golfer... I write down all my good scores and
Scratch out all my bad ones."
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Sports Jokes
A boxer's trainer told him to stay down until 8...
He looked up from the canvas and asked,
"What time is it now?"
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Sports Jokes
Why did the ceiling fаn go to the boxing match?
For the вlоw-by-вlоw action.
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Sports Jokes
I was playing snooker with my mate, Dave, down the pub last night. We finished setting the table up and he said to me, “do you wanna break?”
“We’ve haven’t even started yet, you lazy сunт!”
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Sports Jokes
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