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Stupid Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Ollie, one of our favorite Minnesota doofuses, calls the airlines information desk and inquires, “How long does it take ta fly from Minneapolis to Fargo? …
….
“Just a minute,” said the busy clerk. …
…
“Vell, said Ollie, “if it goes dat fast, I tink I’ll yust take da bus.”

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Stupid Jokes

A joke is like a frog… When you dissect a frog, it dies. Get it? Just like a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it… Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn’t be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.

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Stupid Jokes

I fell off a 50ft ladder yesterday… luckily I was on the bottom step.

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Stupid Jokes

It’s a well known fact. If you stand on the Great Wall of China…
You can actually see the moon.

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Stupid Jokes

I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses.
I just spent an hour wondering what the fuск he was protecting his eyes from.

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Stupid Jokes

Think of how sтuрid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

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Stupid Jokes

I guarantee there’s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks ‘Ebola’ would be a lovely name for their child.

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Stupid Jokes

Just finished reading the fifth book in the “learning to count” trilogy.

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Stupid Jokes

This girl in a bikini stopped me to ask directions. I just kept saying to myself, “Don’t stare at her тiтs, don’t stare at her тiтs.”
Then she said, “Don’t stare at whose тiтs?”

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Stupid Jokes Boob Jokes

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a moment later. The diver went down even farther and the same guy was right behind him.
The confused diver took out out his waterproof chalkboard and wrote, “How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?”
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’m drowning, you freakin’ моrоn…!”

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Stupid Jokes

Lena decided that she and Ollie needed a bit of culture so she bought tickets to the ballet. That evening, after watching the performance for about thirty minutes, Ollie leaned over to Lena and whispered in her ear, …
…
“I don’t see vy dey dance on deir toes. Vy don’t dey just get taller dancers?”

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Stupid Jokes

I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere.
Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through.

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Stupid Jokes

I think I might have used too much softener when I washed my underwear.
I haven’t had an еrестiоn for a week.

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Stupid Jokes

I beat a black belt at karate.
My next challenger is a green sock.

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Stupid Jokes

My son ‘Qwertyuiop’ eventually forgave me when he realised how easy it is to type his own name.

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Stupid Jokes

I just bought a fresh chicken from a supermarket. The sticker on it reads:
“RSPCA Monitored”
You did not do a good job here, RSPCA; it is dead and wrapped in plastic.

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Stupid Jokes

Ollie has a problem. His wife Lena is coming home tomorrow on the train but he can’t remember if she is arriving at 8:40 or 4:80.

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Stupid Jokes

(Ollie and Sven are two doofuses; Minnesota’s counterpart to Раddy and Mike from Ireland… ) …. ….
Ollie walks by Sven’s house and sees a sign that says “Boat for sale”. He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, “Ollie, I see dat sign dat says ‘boat for sale,’ but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower.” …
…
Sven says, “Yup, and dey’re boat for sale.”

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Stupid Jokes

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiот control.

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Stupid Jokes

I want to get a DVD from eBay.
I’m confused. Do I click ‘Buy’ or ‘Watch this item’?
Surely I want to do both.

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Stupid Jokes