Women - Page 163

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid.
One of the golfers asked what had happened and he was informed that the woman had been bit by a bee and was having a reaction.
“Where was she bit?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” was the reply.
He then replied, “Wow! She must have been standing right over the hive.”

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My niece is a sophomore at West Point. She's already had five majors -- and three captains and two lieutenants. She's a very slutty young woman.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Girls have a very specific type. You ask guys, like, 'Hey, what do you look for in a woman?' It's like, 'Uh -- my реnis?'

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

A couple was having a party at their house. An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said,
"Come on guys, we're almost there."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

How does an archeologist tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton?
He knows it’s a female skeleton if the jawbone is worn down.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

I don't do windows because...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because...
I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible ( plus they may sue me.)
I don't mind the dust bunnies because...
They are very good company; I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because...
I want every creature to have a home of their own.
I don't Spring Clean because...
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
I don't put things away because...
My husband will never be able to find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because...
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
I don't iron because...
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press."
I don't stress much on anything because...
"Type A" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become an ol' woman!

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Jokes about Women

I can never remember if its spelt laying or lying. Anyway I just hit an old woman with my car and she’s doing that in a car-park at the moment.

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Jokes about Women

I would never pick up a male hitch-hiker; I just couldn’t trust him.
I would never pick up a female either; I just couldn’t trust myself.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Criminal Jokes

Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today? We would get paid every day, and all women would bleed to death.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? It's not what you think you dirтy sluт! it is just a $100 bill.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

A recent scientific study has found pregnant women who use vibrators are 90% more likely to have a child who stutters.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Why is it acceptable for Muslim women to wear a hijab but when I go into a bank wearing a Balaclava everyone freaks out?

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes

A tall woman met a мidgет at a party. The мidgет was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.
After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. “I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a мidgет,” said the woman, “especially with the size difference and all.”
“Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes,” said the мidgет. The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she’d ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
“If you think that was good,” said the мidgет with a smirk, “Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!”

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Jokes about Women Disability Jokes

Some men think that they can convert gаy women, make them straight. I couldn't do that. I could make a straight woman gаy, though. I got that going for me.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

I got stopped by a female cop.
“Do you know why I’ve stopped you?”
I said, “Because you want to suск me off.”
“Put your hands behind your head.”
I said, “I knew it.”

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Jokes about Women

“I think the Johnson’s are suffering from age related stress,” a woman said of her neighbors. “What do mean?” asked her husband. “He won’t act his age, and she won’t admit hers.”

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes

I met up with this woman from the Internet, after about 5 minutes I said:
“I couldn’t believe my luck when I saw your profile, we share the same hobby.”
“It was a typo” she said, “I’m really into walking, please pull your trousers up.”

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Jokes about Women Masturbation jokes Internet Jokes

A woman was doing the laundry in the apartment buildings basement.
She had just finished washing and drying one load and was getting ready to start another load when she decided to wash the nightgown she was wearing.
She took it off and placed it in the washer. Now she is nакеd and preparing to take the freshly cleaned clothes upstairs when she noticed her son’s football helmet lying on the shelf. She grabbed the helmet, placed it on her head, picked up the clean clothes, and turned around.
There stood the Maintenance man who quickly said, “I don’t know which team you are playing for ma’am but I sure hope you win”.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

I'm relaxing on the beach, and all of a sudden, all these women start gathering around me. They got these big signs; they're going, 'Fur is мurdеr! Fur is мurdеr!' I said, 'Lady, that's my back. Now get off it.'

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A big bullfrog is in the middle of the swamp crying out his lament about being stuck so far from all the action.
Out of nowhere this fairy godmother appears and tells him he will have an encounter with a beautiful young woman in three years. The bullfrog asks this fairy godmother why it will take so long.
"The woman is only in eighth grade now, and will not be dissecting frogs in Biology until her Junior year."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes