// Highlander

A little boy, already tucked in bed, asks his daddy to please leave the light on.

“But why? Such a big boy?”
“I’m afraid of the dark, daddy…”
“Now that’s just racist, son!”

A man looks at himself in the mirror: “1 inch more and I’d be a king.”

The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”

A guy comes to work very sick and asks his boss for advice. The boss says:

"You know, if it were me, I'd just go home and let my wife really take care of me in all aspects, if you know what I mean. Now go and do just that, Roger, you look pretty bad."
The guy gratefully leaves and comes back the next day, looking much better.
"So, how was it?" asks the boss, "Everything alright?"
"Yes," replies the guy, "I feel much better, thank you. By the way, you have really nice furniture!"

A lovey dovey couple are sitting on a bench in the park and she says:

“My ear hurts me…” He kisses it gently and asks, “Is it better now, my darling?”
“It’s all gone,” giggles the girl, “but now I have a pain here,” and she points to her neck.
The boy kisses it tenderly and asks, “Better now, sweet pea?”
“It’s all healed, my love! But now I have a very bad pain here,” she replies and points to her clavicle.
“Excuse me,” politely interrupts an old man from a neighboring bench, “this is really impressive! Do you heal hemorrhoids as well?”

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".
The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

“A vodka please!”

“Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.”
“Yeah, yeah, alright. McVodka then.”

Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?”.

“No, how?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says:

“Don’t worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.”
“Really? Why do you think so?”
“I owe the IRS five years’ worth of taxes.”