I was in the pub with my mate last night when he walked off to the toilet leaving his phone on the table.
As I was just about to update his Facebook status, it started ringing and I could see that it was my wife’s number.
“Hello?” I said, answering it.
“Hey sеxy,” she purred, “I’m currently маsтurватing on the bed and I want you to come here and fuск me.”
“You silly вiтсh,” I said, “Why didn’t you just ring my phone?”