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A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything.
About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your вuтт out the window if you have to go so bad."
The hitchhiker sticks his вuтт out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside.
Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?"
The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"

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A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

What is more fun that stapeling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off.

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Gross Jokes

Want to hear a dirтy joke?
A man fell in the mud.Want to hear a clean joke? He took a bath with bubbles.Want to hear another dirтy joke? Bubbles was his neighbor.

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Gross Jokes

Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."

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Gross Jokes Old People Jokes

At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."
Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands."
The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?"
The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Restaurant Jokes

One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a вuм who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door. Again, there stands another вuм who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door. This time, there's a вuм asking for a straw. The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there. The вuм replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."

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Gross Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Two gаy men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower.
When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large сuмshот on the wall. He wailed to Tom, ''I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!!''
Paul looks at the wall and says ''What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!!!"

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Fart Jokes Love Jokes

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.
"Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y. The boots are suскеd right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is suскеd in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets suскеd in. Inside he hears noises.
"Is someone else in here?" he asks.
"Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says.
"Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says.
"Неll," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."

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Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Gross Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales.
The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story.... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, 'Get off your horse.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, 'Now drop your pants.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, 'Drop your pants.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Two brunettes and a blonde...
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of роор behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the роор is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."

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Gross Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes

There are three types of sеx in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sеx. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.
The second type is Bedroom Sеx. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.
The third type of sеx is Hallway Sеx. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Sсrеw you.''
But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sеx. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to sсrеw each other in public.

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle?
A: A Shih-Tzpoo

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Gross Jokes

Q: Whats the height of desperation?
A: A vampire suскing blood from a sanitary napkin.

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Gross Jokes Vampire jokes

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him, ''I sсrеwеd your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.
Again, he hears, ''Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.
The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says, ''Dad, go home, you're drunк!''

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

How can you tell if you have an underbite?
You're eating p***y and it tastes like s**t!

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Gross Jokes

What's grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.
What's grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet

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Gross Jokes

At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs.
He replied, "Depends."

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Gross Jokes

- You've got a hole in your head.
- You always hang around with two nuts.
- Your closest neighbor is an a**hole.
- Your best friend is a рussy.
- Every time you get excited, you throw up.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a мidgет?
A: Wow! Your hair smells good!

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Gross Jokes

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