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Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.

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An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them.
And every morning, he would see all the pigs sсrеwing up a storm. He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to sсrеw his wife - but he always got soft before he got there. So one day, he took his hatchet and headed out to the pig pen.
"No!" said his wife. "Don't кill those pigs!"
"I'm not going to кill them. I'm moving the pen closer to the house."

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Men vs Women Jokes

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding, but didn't quite know how to do it.
He soon found out that the vet would charge him $200 a pig. That was a little rich for his blood, so he figured he might be able to do it himself. So for three weeks, he'd load up all the pigs in the truck and take 'em to an isolated location where nobody would see him doing it. After three weeks, none of the pigs were pregnant, so he decided to forget about it for a morning. That morning, his wife happened to look out the window.
"Honey? What are you doing to those pigs?"
"What do you mean?" asked the farmer.
"One's honking the horn, and the others are rocking the back of the truck."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What do you get when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
A: Doughnuts.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What did the рiмр use to put out the fire?
A: His hos.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems. Every time they would do it, she would complain about splinters, so Pinocchio went to Gepetto about the problem.
Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sеx with his girlfriend.
A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"
Pinocchio said, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

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Men vs Women Jokes

A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces. She responds, "Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate?
A: She changed her name to JKM345.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sеx and asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."
A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father маsтurватing. He asks, "What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm playing cards."
"Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.
His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urinе test."

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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man notices a blonde suскing on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing.
"Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What do porcupines say after they kiss?
A: "Ouch."

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Men vs Women Jokes

I should have known that my last relationship wasn't gonna last because it's not a good sign when your girlfriend's favorite position in bed is the fetal position.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Two little potatoes stand on the street corner. One is a рrоsтiтuте. How can you tell which one is the рrоsтiтuте?
A: It's the one with the little sticker that reads: "I-DA-НО." Also, she has hеrреs sores on her lips.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a реnis and a potato?
A: A dic-tater.

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Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: If there were four potatoes in a room, which one would be the рrоsтiтuте?
A: The one that's labeled "Idaho."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?
A: Unzip it.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: How do you make five pounds of fат look good to a man?
A: Put a niррlе on it.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes

Q: What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
A: Broke.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A middle aged woman lived alone except for her pet, a male parrot. The woman was very proud of her parrot because it would sit in the bottom of its cage, cross its wings, and pray. She was also a devout church goer and would often brag to the congregation about her faithful parrot.
One day the women was boasting about her parrot's prayers. An older gentleman was simply amazed by this. ''I have a female parrot and she's just terrible. My son raised her and all she does is curse. She's the most foul mouthed creature I've ever heard,'' he sighed. ''Maybe if we put my parrot with your parrot he would teach mine how to pray and stop cursing so much.''
The woman readily agreed to this and a few days later the gentleman brought his parrot by. The woman's parrot sat praying in the bottom of the cage as they placed the female inside with him. The parrot instantly stopped praying, hopped up, looked the female over and shouted, ''Hot dамn!! This is what I've been praying for!!''

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Men vs Women Jokes

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