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Animal Jokes
Once upon a time there were three little pigs.
The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and рuff and вlоw your house down." And he did!!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house."
So the stick pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and рuff and вlоw your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the bricks pigs' house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down."
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up.
The wolf said "I'm gonna huff and рuff and вlоw your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared!
But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.
Out step three pigs named Louie, Vito,and Dominic.
These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in the wolf's mouth and fired.
Then they got back into their limo and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!
"Who the hеll were those guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins from North Jersey-the Guinea Pigs."
Animal Jokes
This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day.
She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in. He asks, ''What the hеll are you doing?'' Thinking quickly, the wife says, ''Uhm...waiting for you.'' The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ''But you're nакеd.'' Again the woman says, ''Yeah... I was waiting for you.'' The husband relaxes and says, ''Hold on, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll be back in a flash!'' The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a nакеd man jumping around and clapping. The husband asks,'' What in the hеll are you doing?'' He replied, ''I'm the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.'' The husband looks him over and says,''But you're nакеd.'' The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ''Them little ваsтаrds.''
Animal Jokes Cheating Jokes
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.
"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."
Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
"Just for that, I'm not going."
Animal Jokes