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When a man with money meets a woman with experience, the woman leaves with money and the man leaves with experience.

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Jokes

Victoria Secret Launches Mask

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Jokes

My neighbor came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.
I can tell you I nearly shiт her pants.

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Jokes

What method of contraception do you use? I’m always really nice and kind. - Peter, 32, best friend of many, many women

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Jokes

You have to appreciate how badass the Chinese are, making their language totally out of tattoo symbols.

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Jokes

I’ve read so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently that I made a new, firm New Year’s resolution: NO MORE READING!

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Jokes

Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?
You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”

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Jokes

Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument.
I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.

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Good jokes

Did anyone notice that the “&”symbol looks like a dog dragging his вuтт across the floor?

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Dog jokes

A tourist is enjoying the sights from the famous Tashkent tower in Uzbekistan when suddenly a guy in a hang-glider arrives, smashes into the tower and tumbles down to certain death.
Shortly afterwards, a second hang-glider does exactly the same.
The horrified tourist turns to the local guide, asking what on Earth just happened.
The guide shrugs, “You know how it is. Poor country, poor terrorists.”

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Jokes

Mom at a dentist: “Now please darling, open up nicely for the doctor so he can take his hand out!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes

A guy goes to the doctor:
“Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking in my right eye that I just can’t control.”
“Ah come on, it’s not so bad as you think.”
“Oh, you think?! Every time I go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers, they give me condoms!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Good jokes

Reporter interviews a man: “Sir, you’ve lived next to this highway for 20 years, do you feel that it has somehow influenced you?”
The man: “NOOooooo, NOOoooo, NOOooo…”

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Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes

Just imagine, you’re a pair of jogging pants.
You expect a nice and easy life of lying on the sofa. And then WТF?! You get bought by an ambitious jogger!

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Jokes

A cannibal is invited to a teambuilding week in the mountains. The instructions say he can also bring one friend. But when he arrives, he brings ten people. The organizer is shocked:
“Come on Alan, what the heck, the invitation said you can only bring one person!”
"Yeah, but it also said bring your own food, didn’t it?!”

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Dark Humor Jokes

At a psychiatric ward: “Doctor, what should we do with the new guy in room 6? He believes he’s a wolf.”
Doctor: “Whatever you do, don’t let his grandmother visit!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Grandparent Jokes

I’ve just been to the drugstore and saw that they’re selling lemon-scented intimate deodorants.
Yeah, this really makes sense actually because lemon goes very well with fish.

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Jokes

Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?
- Oh Harry, that would be lovely!
- Wonderful. Could you bring me some вееr and cigarettes on your way back?

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Beer Jokes

Police officer to a driver: “OK, driver’s license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle.”
Driver: “Nah, I’ve already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain’s cap?“

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Military Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar. I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art. He said:
“Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!”
“No it’s because you’re drinking MY вееr!“

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Beer Jokes